My Brother's Wedding

"Relationships are work." "Relationships are hard." Why does this have to be true? I refuse to accept it.

This weekend, I watched my older brother marry someone who makes him laugh every day, cares about him unconditionally, and who will respect and support him until the day he dies. Jim and Lindsay are the kind of couple that you hear giggling as they fall asleep and can solve any disagreement with a 30 second stare, exchange of calm words, or silly joke. They don't have to try very hard to get along-even when one of them does something wrong-because they just DO. They respond to one other in a way that is healthy, natural, and brings out the best in the other. The way they deal with each other just works. They don't have to work because they work. Does that make sense?

This is not to say that you don't have to sometimes put your pride aside and compromise while in a relationship, but I firmly believe that there is no need to argue regularly with your significant other. If they're right for you, few things will get to you...and when there is a problem, the solution comes quickly and without out-lash. When you're with the right person, it will be clear by how much you smile, how rarely you bicker, and how deeply you want to be with them. If there's even an inkling that you are staying with someone/taking the next step simply because you've been with them for a long time or "don't want to lose such a great person," think twice. So many people stay with someone because he/she is "a good person," but that doesn't mean they are who will keep you satisfied forever. Two great people may be great individually, but mediocre, boring, or even unhealthy together.

I am so lucky to have multiple examples of these easy relationships in my life, Jim and Lindsay being the focus this weekend. Challenges are inevitable, but I have promised myself that I will end up with someone who laughs with me through the challenges, our mutual understanding dissolving issues respectfully. I don't want anything less than the joy my brother has found in Lindsay.

My little and me at CNU

Onto the wedding. The whole weekend was utter perfection. I arrived late Wednesday night and did not stop racing around until...well, now. But I more than welcomed all of the love, fun, and reuniting! After finishing up Miss New York paperwork/notarizing/over-nighting it to NY, taking my bridesmaid dress to the tailor, and doing a couple other last minute errands on Thursday morning, I drove the hour to CNU to visit my friends who are still in school. As though I was speed dating with old friends, I quickly caught up with every person who stopped in Einsteins (the library coffee shop) to say hello between classes. My sorority sisters and Pearlfriends are so loving and supportive, many dropping in for just a hug during a ten minute break they had. I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends!

Grandma, Todd, and me at the BBQ

After my CNU cameo, I rushed back down to Virginia Beach in time to learn the song I would be singing at the wedding with Lindsay's older brothers, unpack all of the winter clothes I brought back from NYC and repack my summer wardrobe, get a manicure, then drive to Lindsay's house for a barbeque with the friends and family who came to town early. One of those people was my cousin, Todd, who I hadn't seen in seven or eight years! He and his two brothers were my favorite people in the world as I grew up, so the excitement I felt in seeing them is inexplicable. Todd was the only one to come in town on Thursday- and the one I'd gone the longest without seeing- so I was pretty much glued to his side the whole night. I also have to mention that Lindsay looked absolutely stunning...she certainly had that bridal glow all weekend!

With Jim, Linds, and Lindsay's brothers at the rehearsal din

After grabbing a few drinks at Catch 31, a favorite Virginia Beach bar, with my grandma, aunt, and cousins, I spent the night at Stephanie's apartment so that we could debrief on pageants, life, men, etc. I miss her terribly, but glad we fit in a quick sleepover. Somehow I managed to get up around 7a.m. Friday morning to go on a nice, long run through my beautiful neighborhood. I soaked in as much as that suburban fresh air as I could! The rest of the day consisted of stopping by Polly's (Miss Virginia Beach director/my third grandma) house before the bridal brunch, more practice with Lindsay's brothers, and the wedding rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. Jim and Linds have so many close friends that their rehearsal dinner consisted of nearly half of the wedding guest list. The fact that they have close relationships with that many people is just a reflection of how loving and irresistible the two of them are, both individually and as a couple! Can I also mentioned that I had the best night EVER because multiple people said I looked like Kate Middleton? Best. Compliment. Possible.

The party continued at Catch 31 for a little while following the dinner, however everyone wanted to be nice and rested for the big day on Saturday! Jim and I ended up sharing a room at the Hilton that last night of his Bachelorhood (long story as to how that happened), which was such a symbolic experience. He was truly closing out his childhood, sharing a room with his little sister, and waking up the next day to start his new family as an adult with Lindsay. I ran off early to catch hair appointments and other preparations with the bridesmaids, while Jim headed to breakfast with his boys.

Mr. and Mrs. Oliver!

Fast-forward to the wedding. Everything about the ceremony was personalized and incredibly heart-warming. Jim had the whole congregation cracking up before Lindsay came down the aisle as he pumped his fists and impatiently muttered "come onnnn" while he waited for her to come into view. My father gave the welcome speech, Lindsay's father performed the ceremony (he's a pastor), my mom did the reading, Lindsay's brothers and I sang an original song (that was darn good, if I do say so myself...everyone cried. Win.), and Jim and Lindsay gave their own vows. Jim was so cute, starting his with, "I'm just so happy to talk to you!" Clearly, they'd upheld the tradition of the bride and groom not talking on the day of the wedding, minus a "happy wedding day!" text.

Dancing with my best friend, Jess!

The reception was more fun than words can even begin to describe. Jim sang "True Companion" for Lindsay with his college a cappella group, Lindsay's brothers surprised everyone with an awesome Blues Brothers routine that had everyone dancing, laughing, and clapping uncontrollably, and her dad stole the show when he joined the band for "Love Shack." He had the entire dance floor jumping up and down, singing at the top of their lungs as though it was a concert. I don't think anyone had a voice left by the end of the night. The band was the best I've ever seen, filling the dance floor for the entire evening, even garnering an encore at the end of the night. I'm pretty sure not a sole was left in his/her seat throughout the evening. The shy, the loud, the crazy, the talented, the awkward, the foreign, the young, and the old were on that dance floor without a care in the world. Everyone commented that it had to be one of the best receptions ever thrown, with love and excitement just oozing from the room. Oh, by the way, in true Shannon-at-weddings tradition, I broke a glass all over the dance floor. This has happened at EVERY wedding I've been to. Every single one. Embarrassing...yet so typical.

Family at the brunch

The party ended on Sunday with a gorgeous brunch at my dad's house. He and my stepmom went all out, which was certainly appreciated by all of the guests who showed up to find momosas, bellinis, bloody marys, crab cakes, kiesh, Jack Daniel's french toast, and every other delicious item you could think of at the ready. The 80 degree weather certainly didn't hurt the atmosphere as everyone happily chowed down by the pool and procrastinated the goodbyes. Finally, we said so long to Jim and Lindsay (they are in Jamaica as I type!) and I hopped in the car with Jacob, Justin, and Andy for the long trip back to NYC.

Back to reality!

What Do I Stand For?

What do you stand for?

Christina (red dress) as Miss America 2008 is announced

My new friend, mentor, and all-around inspiration asked me that very question one week ago as we sat in a cozy West Village bistro, enjoying pomegranate champagne and chamomile tea. Christina Thompson, Miss Wisconsin 2007 (top 8 at Miss America), was specifically assigned to me as my Miss New York pageant guru of sorts, charged with the task of mentally, physically, and spiritually preparing me to be a Miss America state titleholder. Just to clarify, most local titleholders have a director/board to assist with their preparation for state. However, the six girls who won the sweeper pageant (Miss Manhattan, New York City, Metropolitan (oh, hey!), Verrazano, Western New York, and Gotham City) were instead paired with a former state titleholder (including a Miss Michigan, Miss Virginia, Miss Nevada, Miss Wisconsin, Miss Ohio...and I'm missing one more) to guide them through the process. To say I'm excited to work with Christina is an understatement. She is a fitness nut and nutritionist (swimsuit winner at Miss Wisconsin), has a degree in both vocal and violin performance (talent winner at Miss Wisconsin...baller double preliminary winner), aims to work in the communications field (have I mentioned I eventually want to be a journalist?), and always looks like she just stepped out of a beauty advertisement. More importantly, she exudes a mature warmth that is undeniably magnetizing and welcoming to each person she encounters. Even on our first date in the little bistro, the staff was continuously drawn to her and sparking up conversation because of her ability to make everyone in the room feel at ease. She's MY mentor. Yep, I'm proud. And lucky.

As Christina and I chatted, our commonalities grew more and more apparent. We delved into every topic possible, from family to religion to relationships to pageants to food to careers, finding an uncanny amount of similarities in our experiences. Thank goodness we are able- even expected- to spend a lot of time together these next few months, because one evening certainly was not enough! She has an abundance of wisdom and anecdotes that will surely benefit me not only for Miss New York, but in life...which leads me to the initial question at the top of the page.

One of my biggest fears about competing for Miss New York in June is that I don't have the power and strength behind my interview that is required in such a political state as New York. I have passion, I have humor, I have intelligence, and I have common sense (well...that's debatable), but do I have that unbreakable demeanor that screams "I am woman, hear me roar"? Not so much. I know what I believe and have no qualms with expressing my opinions, but I worry that I lack that fiery edge that seems to be more valued in the Northeast. After I explained this concern to Christina, she started by encouraging me to maintain the characteristics that make me approachable, even if those characteristics include being a little awkward or slightly "Southern" (Virginia Beach all of a sudden seems like the land of happy, agreeable Southern people after living in New York for a while). But then she said this:

"What do you stand for?"

To even my own surprise, I did not immediately jump into an answer that I could have spouted off the cuff in an interview or whipped up to sound self-assured. What. Do. I. Stand. For. I know what I believe in. I believe in making everyone I come in contact with feel important, loved, and happy to be alive. That is the number one thing I believe in: bringing joy and confidence into other people's hearts. I know what I am passionate about. I am passionate about helping people see past the surface of other human beings. My platform is about diversity awareness, and nothing gets me more pumped than the idea of helping people overcome prejudices and open their eyes to the striking similarities they share and the enlightening differences they can accept. I know who I am. I am open, nonjudgmental, goofy, loving, bright, and enthusiastic, all the while constantly working on my pride, patience (sometimes lack-thereof), and productivity (those "p"s are a tough triple-wammy of challenges). I know all of those things. But what do I stand for?

I told Christina I'd have to go home and think about it. Part of me is amazed and ashamed that by the age of 23 I have not contemplated this notion, but the other part of me is excited to use all of the experiences, personal growth, and introspection from my young adulthood to establish an answer as it pertains to who I am at this very moment.

I stand for authenticity.

With every choice I make, every interaction I take part in, and every influence I intend, the one common thread that I take with me is my authenticity. I am confident not only in my own authenticity, but in the idea that my goal is to pull forth the authentic qualities in people around me. Nothing is more rewarding than being aware, happy, and confident in what makes you uniquely you...nothing but playing a part in bringing that awareness, happiness, and confidence out of another person. And that is what I want to do with my life. That is what I stand for.

When I finally realized the answer to Christina's question, everything I've always felt strongly about, proud of, and inspired by seemed to link together. No wonder I founded the organization S.A.I.L. (Sharing Awareness for Intercultural Living) at CNU...I wanted to help grade schoolers discover the authenticity of their classmates who look, sound, and dress different from themselves! No wonder that the compliment I value most is when someone calls me awkward, genuine, or approachable...all three of those things scream authenticity! I'm proud to be a little silly or painfully relatable! No wonder my favorite quote from a song is "A face without freckles is like the sky without the stars" (thank you, Natasha Bedingfield). And no wonder I find so much pleasure in making people laugh...you can't be more authentic than when you're genuinely cracking up.

With her one question, Christina has already instilled in me more excitement about what I want to bring to my last year participating in the Miss America Organization than I ever thought possible. Declaring that one, specific thing that I stand for gives me even more pride (the good kind) in the woman I am, motivation to spread the message through my platform, and determination to exemplify that authenticity as much as I possibly can. Of course I will have to prepare for my interview as studiously as ever, but the fear that I am not fierce enough to take this strong, political, and iconic state of New York by storm has subsided. I am authentically me and will view the judges simply as respectable people who are authentically them. That's all I need to feel calm and ready for whatever happens on June 16th.