CNU S.A.I.L.

Going home feels so good. When I get off this bus around 11pm, my friend Stephanie (from Miss VA) will bring me back to my house, where I’ll leave my suitcase in the living room and immediately creak upstairs to take a bath in our jacuzzi tub. New York becomes more comfortable each day, but there’s nothing more welcoming than recognizable streets, stores, and houses (and your old bathtub). I haven’t been home in about two months- not really all that long, but I’m ready. When I was in college, I’d go much longer without a trip home even though it was only 45 minutes away. Straining to adjust in drastically new city, however, expedites that ticking clock in your heart that eventually sounds an alarm telling you to retreat to familiar ground.  Even so, had it not been for the Pearls reunion taking place in Nags Head this weekend, I probably would’ve waited until Christmas to visit Virginia. Thank goodness for the push to come down, though, because there are two people I’m dying to give a giant hug: my mom and my little brother. Not to mention I have to exchange my summer wardrobe for my winter clothes, which explains the giant red suitcase I’ll be leaving in the living room during my bath.

The bus ride home wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t bruised my tailbone during a horseback riding accident in middle school. Sitting in the same position for extended periods of time really, really hurts. Long term effects, I guess. Maybe I fractured it, ‘cause you’d think a bruise would heal after 11 years. Hmm. Well, luckily, I get the entire two seats to myself this time, because usually I’m rubbing elbows with a tired-looking stranger. The luxury of two seats allows twisting and turning to avoid jolts of pain from searing through my behind. When sharing a seat, I have to settle for subtle butt firming exercises. You don’t want to be me.

Facilitating a middle school S.A.I.L. program

Being me isn’t so bad, though. Today I was reminded of an accomplishment I’m quite proud of in my life; a very welcome reminder after two months of feeling quite unaccomplished in New York. While I was at CNU, I founded an organization called S.A.I.L. (Sharing Awareness for Intercultural Living). I went through some pretty major life changes at the end of my freshman year, leaving me with a burning desire to have a positive influence on the world. I’d left an institution that shaped my morals and granted me opportunities like working in an AIDS home in India, participating in HOPE Youth Corps in Denver, CO, and attending spiritual leadership conferences all over the country. When I separated myself from that institution, the fear that I could no longer better people’s lives haunted me. My boyfriend at the time told me to take that fear and develop it into energy towards doing good. Once it became clear that the topic I felt most passionate about was anti-stereotyping/diversity awareness, Daniel (my ex) and I brainstormed countless ways I could address this issue. We settled on the idea of starting a club on campus that would allow CNU students to facilitate interactive diversity programs in elementary, middle, and high schools.

High School class (I swear there were more than 2 students)

A few weeks before sophomore year began, I approached Stacy Davidson, Director of Multicultural Affairs at CNU. I presented to her my idea and asked if she’d be willing to sponsor the club. She enthusiastically accepted and CNU S.A.I.L. was born. Together we worked on the organizational constitution, training process for members, and program manual to be used in classrooms.  With an extraordinary amount of work, Stacy and I drummed up interest and trained over a dozen CNU students the first semester. We also composed a letter that was sent to every single public school in the Newport News district explaining S.A.I.L. and what our facilitators could bring to classrooms. A few responses in the beginning, followed up by successful programs, led to word of mouth between teachers. Four years later, S.A.I.L. is still intact and having an impact in schools throughout Newport News. Stacy wrote on my Facebook wall today, reassuring me that our legacy lives on (she, too, has left CNU).

My favorite part of S.A.I.L. was receiving emails from teachers with words of gratitude for the changes they saw in their classrooms. The program worked! Of course we couldn’t make every student conquer their prejudices, but knowing even one child grasped the concept made it worthwhile. S.A.I.L. often provided a venue for very candid conversations among rival cliques that most teachers and counselors aimed to suppress. Instead, we allowed those conversations, in a respectful manner of course, in order to get to the bottom of their mutual disdain. One hundred percent of the time, the cause of animosity came from misunderstandings and shallow misjudgements. I distinctly remember one eighth grade group of African-American boys telling a group of Latino boys how they hated that they spoke in Spanish at their lockers because the African-American boys “knew” they (Latinos) were talking smack about them. One of the Latino boys retorted, “No, actually we talk in Spanish because you’ll make fun of our accent if we don’t.” An outspoken black boy looked genuinely surprised said “Really? I didn't know that.” I’m sure that smack talking had occurred at some point, but a legitimate explanation was provided through open communication that changed how both sides viewed the situation. The teacher later informed me that the number of lockerside fights between those classmates decreased drastically after that day.

I’ve wanted to facilitate programs in New York schools, but I get nervous since those students are already so exposed to diversity. Looking back at the time that I spent with students in Newport News, however, I remember that kids are kids- they will separate themselves into cliques no matter what. The message of looking past the exterior and discovering that everyone has a story can be spread in any community.

I’m so glad Stacy wrote on my wall to remind me of how hard work and dedication can, in fact, bring about lasting success. S.A.I.L. was an avenue not just for me, but for CNU students I’ve never met to share the significance of togetherness. Think of how many more children and adolescents have been reached in the past four years than if I’d tried to do something all by myself? Sure, I inspired the development of S.A.I.L., but other students are what keep it alive today. Seeing the hard work from four years ago continue forth without my involvement reiterates that I need to hold tight to a vision and initiate the establishment, then have patience in watching it come to fruition.

T.V. Shows

I like T.V. shows that make me belly laugh. Not the kind of laugh that comes from the need to acknowledge that you, too, understand a joke in a room full of people. Rather, the laugh that bounces off the walls of the empty room you're sitting in only because you can't help it.

Considering the size of my current living room and the amount of furniture squeezed into the 10 x 4 space, I can't say my laughter literally bounced off any walls tonight. But I imagine it would have if I lived in a lightly furnished house with spacious hardwood floors and arched ceilings. Now, I'm not usually the T.V. junkie who follows her favorite series weekly and can quote funny lines from every episode (like most fans of "The Office" do every second of the day). However, two shows have my loyal viewership: Modern Family and Glee.

When I have a life, I usually watch these shows at my own convenience on Hulu.com. But I don't really have a life in New York yet (wahhhh), so I've recently managed to catch most episodes during their original airing... sometimes just by accident because I'm pathetically sitting on the couch watching America's Next Top Model and then notice they're on. Example: while looking for something to flip to during commercial breaks for the "E! True Hollywood Story" of Bethenny Frankel (they're really running low on celebrities), I realized that Modern Family was on tonight. This show is genius. Included in the cast is a nuclear family, a gay couple with an adopted daughter, and an older man married to a younger Latino woman raising her preteen son from a previous relationship. The families are related (extended family) and struggle with realistic, almost always hilarious, obstacles that arise in most modern-day families. I can't get enough of Cameron and Mitchell (the gay couple seen in the video below)...yet every single character cracks me up. Any person out there can relate to someone on the show- yes, even you, Mom.

A show not quite as realistic, but equally funny, is Glee. If you don't like Glee, I'm assuming it's because you've never actually watched it and "have no interest in kids dancing around and singing." Your taste in humor may very well differ from mine, but I know few people who've caved in and watched an episode that don't understand why it's such a hit. The whole show revolves around a bunch of high school outcasts who grow and learn together as a family. Just like popular sitcoms in the past, Glee sheds light on many pressing issues, like binge drinking, bullying, and teenage pregnancy. The twist is the energetic musical component. My favorite character is Brittany S. Pierce, the uniquely un-peppy ditzy cheerleader who makes the most absurd comments in a voice that seems disturbingly serious. She's also the choreographer/most amazing dancer ever. Instead of including a video of one of Glee's famous musical numbers, I thought the Best of Brittany video needed to be shared. ["Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?" "And remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf."]

Laughter improves your health. Don't do it enough? Find a show that guarantees you a good laugh once a week. In this case, watching T.V. can be healthy (if you don't have a bag of potato chips in your lap).

Authenticity & A Cappella

One of the hardest challenges in life is overcoming what people think. We're often so consumed with the fear of being viewed as abnormal or weird that being genuine can feel silly. Giving compliments or articulating heartfelt thoughts might make others feel uncomfortable and as though you're being "cheesy," so we often alter how we state our genuine feelings in order to come across more authentic. What a backwards thing to do. Why do we find it so hard to simply accept loving words or zealous testimonies as the pure truth? Perhaps most of us do, in fact, appreciate people who express themselves (in positive ways- not airing dirty laundry), but there's usually a twinge of discomfort as if there's no way a person should bubble over with that much passion. It almost seems too personal. Or maybe it causes unease because we don't share their same level of "goodness." There's no way they can truly care so deeply...I must be worse of a person or they must be disingenuous. For the sake of our pride, most of us go with the latter possibility.

These thoughts came flooding through my mind tonight while watching "The Sing Off," a show about a cappella groups. One girl was explaining how her group made her heart feel at home during the first year of college and immediately followed up her words with a giggle and "I know that sounds so cheesy." Sadly, we're so used to cynics rolling their eyes that we often justify positive things that come out of our mouths. "I know its sounds silly, but..." or "Don't laugh, but..." Come on, people! We're all the same. Everybody has emotions. What a glorious world we'd live in if strangers felt comfortable exchanging compliments or we could post lots of uplifting quotes on our Facebook statuses without the fear of someone saying "Oh, that Shannon girl is so full of hot air." I'm not saying that positivity doesn't exist, of course, but as a whole, we live in a very cynical world. Let's take the time to unabashedly open our hearts to those we love, encourage people without holding back, and give compliments whenever we think them. After all, isn't that what everyone tries to fit into their last few years of life after realizing it's what they should've been doing all along?

The Pearls at one of our member's wedding this past July!

We don't need to justify thoughts, anyway, because our fellow human beings will understand. They get it. Few times do you have a thought that hasn't been thought by the person sitting in the cubicle to your left. It might have a different twist or perspective- hence why interesting conversations arise- but people are people and will relate to almost anything you say. Unless you're actually a nutjob. But I won't attempt to tackle that issue in this blog. When the girl on The Sing Off talked about her group with such affection, Brittany and I both exclaimed "Me too! Me too!" The Newport Pearls, my a cappella group at CNU, was a sisterhood that shaped my entire college experience. My heart is so connected to those girls. Pearlfriends were our family away from family. A cappella groups are what I might equate to a sports team: you become like siblings because you are working together to achieve something. You get annoyed, disagree, argue, compromise, and overcome. You spend a whole lot of time in close quarters trying to be productive, even when all you want to do is go to your room and finish a paper or watch a movie with your boyfriend. Dedication to the ensemble forces members to see each other in the best and worst of conditions. The end product is a bond of friendship that is unbreakable and unconditional.

My final concert with The Pearls. Probably not our best song (and my camera sound quality stinks), but that's not what it's about anyway :)

Appropriately, my first trip home since moving to NYC is this weekend for a retired Pearls retreat. Those of us who have graduated rented a house in the Outer Banks... I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Girl Time

Sometimes all I need is a little shopping, champagne, and Disney. Yesterday involved all three with Lindsay and her maid of honor, Briana. The three of us visited David's Bridal to get ideas for bridesmaid dresses and to try on possibilities. Lindsay is super classy and knows what she likes, so shopping was a breeze and there's no doubt that everyone will end up looking beautiful. Even the woman helping us said that rarely girls are as happy and relaxed when discussing different dresses. Of course it's helpful that Linds is very cognizant of our funds and has no "my bridesmaids can't look pretty" complex. I never understood that.

Me, Briana, and Lindsay at Mesa Grill

After making headway in the dress department, we went to Mesa Grill (owned by famous chef Bobby Flay) for celebratory champagne. Engagements= lots of freebies from bartenders. We spent well over an hour there, keeping the wedding momentum going with detailed questions regarding the engagement story and discussing the audacity of Kim Kardashian's engagement boulder compared to the timeless one karat diamond Jim got for Lindsay. Briana and I also took turns calling dibs on each of Jim's good-looking friends that will be at the wedding. All but one of Lindsay's bridesmaids are single, while all but one of Jim's groomsmen are taken (Jim's best man, Jacob, is the single one). Obviously Jake is off limits to me, being my brother's best friend and all, so I'll let the other ladies fight over him ;) Then I'll sneak in from out of nowhere and captivate an unassuming random friend from college or something. Can't wait.

After one...two...okay, three glasses of champagne, we happily made our way back to Brooklyn to catch our 7:30pm viewing of The Lion King 3D. Despite the fact that the theatre was a meat cooler and none of us could feel our fingers after five minutes, watching that movie put me in SUCH a good mood. Not that I wasn't already in a great mood considering the fabulous afternoon. Still, The Lion King has every story line and component that makes a perfect heart-warming film. I beamed when Simba sang "I Just Can't Wait to Be King," bawled when Mufasa died (duh), laughed at every hilarious quip by Timon and Pumbaa (Timon: [of the decimated Pride Rock] We're gonna fight your uncle... for this? Simba: Yes, Timon. This is my home. Timon: Whoa. Talk about your fixer-upper.), and became strangely pensive while watching Simba and Nala fall in love during "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" Who knew a romance between lions could have such an affect on me? Besides all of the specifically poignant moments, the overall theme of the movie to be who you were born to be, even if it means taking the hard road, hit close to home. Knowing Simba was doing the right thing when he was running through the fields back to the pridelands, accompanied by the screaming cackles of joyful wisdom..and insanity...from Rafiki, made me want to do something extraordinary with my own life. Maybe it'd be helpful to have epic ballads playing behind my every decision.

Following The Lion King 3D, Lindsay, Briana, and I sat around the dining room table and proceeded to have 4 1/2 hours of girl talk. With the aid of some red wine, we laughed, we cried (a lot), told embarrassing stories, expressed our love for each other, and shared our true feelings about 100 different topics. I can't even tell you how fun it was. Most guys reading this are probably thinking "Wow, that sounds absolutely painful." But sitting around for four hours during three different fantasy football drafts sounds painful to me, so there. Besides, sometimes complete vulnerability with marvelous women makes us girls way easier to deal with since everything's off our chests from the emotional fix. Whatever the case, I haven't had such superb girl time in months. Yes, there have been glimpses here and there, like when Claire and Lindsay visited, but no recent full day devoted to girlishness. I want more.

Working Events

In front of the Palace (note heels in hand)

I walked into the world famous New York Palace Hotel, home of the hit T.V. show Gossip Girl and many other notable affairs, wearing a blue wrap-around maternity dress that I bought years ago not realizing it was from the maternity section. You can't tell...is that a bad sign? Carrying my heels due to left-over blisters and swelling from the day before, I hobbled in at 7:30am, trying to look somewhat professional in my flip flops and maternity-business dress. I was there to assist at the First Ladies Breakfast, featuring the First Ladies of Kenya, South Africa, and Sierra Leone...none of whom decided to actually show up for the event in their honor, might I add. Christy Turlington made it though! A supermodel and me eating in the same room. Guess who ate more.

When I received my instructions upon arrival, I bravely squeezed my throbbing feet into their five inch prisons and set up shop at the entrance of the hotel. My job was to ask anyone who looked lost if they were attending the First Ladies Breakfast and subsequently point them upstairs. Problem: everyone who walked into the hotel looked dazed and confused. Naturally, these wealthy business men and women in their designer suits and dresses looked to little ole' me in my Target maternity dress for help. I felt like such a poser. Eventually I learned that there was an Ethiopian/British round circle meeting on the fourth floor and that the bathroom was located to the right.

Brittany, Me, Claire, Kaitlin, and Emily (Belle)

As I gained more confidence in telling world leaders what floor to find their conferences, many times second-hand through their body guards, I started to notice more and more secret service bustling about. These sneaky little guys weren't easy to spot at first, however, because every man in the Palace wears a suit and walks around like he's important (because he probably is). The only way you could tell was by a small pin on their lapels and the curly-cue ear pieces tucked into their collars. Without taking a close look, I noticed a group of men walk into the building seeming unsure about which direction to go. Chipper, helpful me politely asked "Can I help you gentlemen find anything?" They looked at me as though I was wearing a bologna mask with two chewed holes for eyes. It's like they wanted to be mad, but the ridiculousness of it was so humorous that they had to laugh. While chuckling, they pointed to their ear pieces. Sheepishly, I said "Oh...you know where you're going." From that point on, whenever they walked past me, they made sure that I gave them the go ahead as if I had some say over where secret service could meander. You might be wondering whose secret service team these men and one woman, who looked like the real life Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality, belonged to. So was I. Through minor investigation, I found out that Tony Blair was on the fourth floor. TONY BLAIR. As in former PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM. As in all of those people I'd directed to the fourth floor were going up there to discuss relations between Ethiopia and Great Britain with Tony Blair, himself. Glad I dressed to impress that day...

Not even 24 hours earlier, I was assisting at another politically-driven event at the NASDAQ closing bell ceremony in Times Square. Hence why my feet hated me the next morning. My friend Claire (Miss New York 2010...she's been featured in my blog before) helped oversee these hoop-dee-lahs and was told to find females in NYC to escort VIPs and such. That's where I came in! At the NASDAQ event, we watched the President of Tanzania make a speech right after the bell was rung (so fun!) and made sure everyone knew where they were supposed to go. Experiencing an event of such importance was inspiring and exciting; an opportunity presented solely because I'm in New York. Being a part of something like that really lifted my spirits following a difficult few days of post-move turmoil. The other girls assisting were also fantastic to talk with- one of them is even the current Belle on the Broadway tour of Beauty & the Beast! How cool is that. She's an absolute doll and answered all of my questions regarding the musical theatre world. I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to pick her brain (thanks, Claire, for setting that up!).

Tonight, one day after the First Ladies Breakfast, I helped cater a dinner party thrown by the Ambassador of Austria in his multimillion dollar home in the Upper East Side. I didn't spill any red wine or drop any $200 china: mission complete. What a week!

I forgot to mention...I went on a blind date last night. My friend Josh from high school wanted me to meet one of his coworkers, so we agreed to get together for a drink or two. Well, as you can imagine, I was exhausted from waking up at the butt crack of dawn for the First Ladies Breakfast, so I took a nap. I'm very anal about setting alarms and not sleeping through things- particularly dates- so I set my alarm for 5pm, giving me ample time to get to the East Village by 7pm. At 6:45, I awoke from my slumber, wondering if I needed to get up for work when I realized it was not, in fact, the next day. AHHH!! I'M LATE! I'M LATE! FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE! Immediately I clambered around for my phone and called Kevin (my date), explaining I'd be 40 minutes late since getting there would take 45 minutes and I needed at least 5 minutes to brush away my sleep breath and slap on some eye shadow. Great first impression, don't you think? Luckily he was incredibly forgiving and we still had a blast at an underground sake bar, followed by strolling around the East Village and ending the night in a lounge-y wine bar. Meeting someone new was refreshing and I'm glad he turned out to be such great company!

Tomorrow is bridesmaids dress shopping day! Lindsay is taking her maid of honor and me to look at possibilities :) I'm really looking forward to laid-back girl time. Yes, Lindsay is the kind of bride who can be relaxed and pleasant while shopping...score. Should be a great day.

Quotes

It's not having what you want; it's wanting what you've got ~Sheryl Crow

This always has been and always will be my favorite quote. I had a difficult day today- among my worst here so far- and I realized that I was consumed with what I don't have: a job I like/that pays enough, a group of friends in the City, a singing gig, a boyfriend, etc. Not even a prospect of these things. I was in a terrible state around 10am this morning, mulling over my loneliness and discontent. Only when I stopped to think of all the things I do have- my brother and Lindsay, Brittany, working arms and legs, a roof over my head, savings- did I feel a bit of the weight leave my chest. Mind you, it was just a bit of the weight, but some lightness is better than none.

Freedom lies in being bold.  ~Robert Frost

Freedom is knowing you have the ability to make your own choices. As I've said many times in this blog, happiness is a choice. And all decisions in life have the underlying purpose of bringing happiness. Thus, ultimate freedom is making the choice to be happy. Tonight, Brit and I were on the elevator after a trip to the park and CVS when I noticed we were with a man who happens to be on the elevator with me at least two days a week. Rarely do you see the same person twice in this building since there are over 40 floors and six elevators. Without thinking, I stuck out my hand and said "Hi, I'm Shannon! I feel like I keep seeing you on the elevator." He smiled and replied "I'm Chase. And yes, it seems to be happening a lot lately." By that time, we'd reached his floor and he wished us a good night. Brittany looked at me and said "Shanny! That was so bold of you! Especially considering he was a blonde." I love how she knows my type. I think that after my emotionally-distressing day, I wanted to know there are still options for friendships in this city and that it's still in my power to create them. Simply shaking a stranger's hand brought me happiness, reminding me that I have the freedom to create my own happiness if I'm just bold enough to do so.

I, who have no sisters or brothers, look with some degree of innocent envy on those who may be said to be born to friends.  ~James Boswell 

I have my brother in New York. How awesome is that? Never will I be without a trusted friend.

A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage.  Every day sends to their graves obscure men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort.  ~Sydney Smith

Not simply in singing as it so relates to my life, but talent is held by every person on this planet. There exist extraordinary sales people, business people, artists, dancers, scientists, designers, engineers, and counselors. Unfortunately, not everyone is given the tools to develop their talents. For most of us in the U.S., however, there is no excuse to let our gifts go to waste. Not only will pursuing them bring greater personal satisfaction, but most talents are highly useful or enjoyable to those around us. With such fruitful rewards to be discovered, why do we not work to unveil the depths of our abilities? Because it takes too much energy and we are scared. We fear that the outcome won't be worth the effort. No one wants to fail. Not to mention we are lazy. I'm still working on building courage and overcoming laziness so that my talent is not lost to the world, but the least any of us can do is make the first effort.

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.  ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul

My mom accidentally dialed my number this morning just as I reached my breaking point while printing my resume to apply for new jobs and realizing that I'd bought a $5 box of cereal that I don't even like. I broke down when I heard her say "Woops! I didn't mean to call you! But I wasn't going to hang up since the phone was already calling you!" Through muffled tears, I told her it wasn't a good time. She said "Actually, I think it was the perfect time." Without even meaning to, she somehow called at the exact moment I needed her. She's truly my fuel when keeping my head above water seems impossible- this morning being one of countless examples.

Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's a cha-cha.  ~Robert Brault

I could teach a cha-cha class at this point. At least I'm dancing through life :)

A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked.  ~Author Unknown

If you read this blog regularly, you've probably figured out that I could talk about my friends in every single post if I didn't realize it would be repetitive. But how could I leave them out when I'm doing a post about quotes? Also, my friends who came in town this past weekend brought me so much joy that it's still on my heart to talk about them...and all of the people whom I love so dearly. Claire, Lindsey, and the rest know that I have some major imperfections that require regular forgiveness. Probably more than most. Yet they all build me up so consistently that the shame and guilt surrounding my cracks is almost completely expunged. They forgive my wrongs and show me the true meaning of unconditional love and deep compassion. I aim to instill in them that same confidence in their "good egg-ness" through returning the adoration and support they shower on me.

Friend-Filled Weekend

Sorry for the long break between posts! Finding a moment to write proved to be impossible amongst the chaos of this weekend. Claire and Lindsey arrived around 9pm on Friday, so we stayed up chatting and eating (of course) until who knows when that night. Then Saturday was full of adventure. We gallivanted around the West Village, stumbling upon cute boutiques and eventually ending up in the fashion district of Soho. Claire invested in a pearl-encrusted beret in hopes that she could bring a little NYC style to DC, while Lindsey and I bought matching purses...from a shoe store. This was my first impractical purchase in the City (minus Starbucks...you know my argument there), but I don't feel that bad about it considering I will wear it anytime I go out. Excellent choice.

Claire, me, and Lindsey at Dos Caminos

We ate lunch at Dos Caminos, where heaven on earth is served in the form of guacamole. I love all strange green vegetables: avocados (technically a fruit, but it tastes like a veggie so I'm putting it in this category), artichokes, brussel sprouts, spinach, etc. Thus, guac is one of my favorite foods in the world. And that's saying a lot considering how much I love all food. This place had some of the best I've ever had...right up there with my friend Paul's homemade concoction. After stuffing ourselves to the brim with an alarming amount ($24 worth...yeah, pretty impressive), we managed to eat about 1/3 of our actual meals. I personally walked home slightly bent over from over-indulgence. Now that I'm finally recovering from being sick, the gym and I are going to become the best of friends.

Waiting for the train...impatiently, it seems

Saturday night. What to say about Saturday night. Meg joined Claire, Lindsey, Brittany, and myself for some wine at our apartment while we got ready. Thank goodness Claire and Linds are the most sociable girls ever and became BFFs with Elle and Kevin (my roommates) so they didn't want to rip our heads off for being loud and obnoxious. We finally left them to enjoy an evening of peace and quiet around 10pm, making our way to the East Village. We spent the whole train ride playing with an adorable three-year-old boy named Ronald who was up wayyyy past his bedtime. After gaining his trust (I'd have a hard time being comfortable with five very enthusiastic girls grilling me with questions, too), we played an astounding 15 minute game of "do you have...?" We'd ask him if he had a certain food (pancakes seemed to be the favorite) and he'd nod excitedly, hold out his hands, and we'd pretend to take the food from him and eat it. Of course we came up with a game about food. Of course. Am I ever thinking about anything else? I need therapy.

Lindsey and me at Penny Farthing

We met up with Thompson and his friends at a place called Penny Farthing. I'm not completely sure why, but none of his friends are American. I seriously think that every person I spoke to that night had an accent of some sort...which I loved, obviously. I may have spoken to one or two Americans, but Lindsey truly didn't speak to a soul from this country. As a matter of fact, her night even included translators. Welcome to the melting pot. Side note: I made a comment about New York being the melting pot and Claire's first reaction was "Mmm..I could totally go for The Melting Pot right now." Maybe the reason I appreciate food so much is because my friends love it too...? I'm just glad we've managed to stay normal-sized. Anyway, after a few free drinks from a British guy named Andy and Claire's reunion with not one, but TWO people (only she could run into two people she knows while in a city of 9 million), we headed to a second location. Half the time I'm in NYC, I don't know where I am or where I'm going, and this time was no different. I still have no idea where that second place was.

Claire and Lindsey heading home Sunday morning...very, very tired.

Fast-forward to the following morning: I took the train home from Chelsea (don't ask) to find Claire and Linds in my bed cuddling in some disturbing corpse-looking fashion, Brittany face down on her air mattress, and evidence of late night snacking in the sink. All signs of a magical night. I slept on the couch until the girls started to stir and we went over the details of the night before. Uproars of laughter accompanied each returning memory of awkward conversations and comical shenanigans. Of course I got host of the year award for getting separated from everyone in the second place and leaving when finding them seemed like an unlikely prospect. Dumbest decision in the world. It was particularly ironic since earlier in the evening, Claire had given a tearful speech about appreciating my friendship (reciprocated, of course) while Lindsey and Brittany chimed in with the kindest words in the world. Few times have I been so touched. They spilled their hearts about how much I mean to them and my ability to be a good friend, and in return, I proved them completely wrong by giving up when we got separated. So much for keeping my reputation. I'm just glad we're so close and something like that wasn't going to change their opinion of me...and that Brittany has become a real city slicker and could guide everyone home. ;)

Me, Brittany, and Maggie in front of Manhattan in Hoboken, NJ

Claire and Lindsey caught their bus back to D.C. at 4:30pm Sunday, so Maggie, Brittany, and I spent the evening together. I wanted to spend more time with Mags since she was leaving the next day and had been staying with her brother since our sleepover last Thursday. The three of us trekked over to Hoboken, NJ in order to get tasty treats at Carlo's Bakery, home of the famous Cake Boss (T.V. show on TLC). I couldn't have asked for a more perfect afternoon. We got chocolate cannolis, cupcakes, eclaires, cookies, and strawberry cream pastries. Pageant girls in the off season....gotta love it. Sitting on a grassy field next to the Hudson River, enjoying my healthy snack (hah), and relaxing with friends, I was reminded of how lucky I am. Sure, I'm stressed almost every waking second, but I know I can persevere through this first difficult year in New York if I take the time to remember things to be grateful for. Tess grabbed me by the shoulders tonight before she left for Europe indefinitely (ugh...so depressed she's gone) and said, "Shanny. You can do this. You're strong enough to make it here. It won't stay this hard, I promise." Looking back on that moment with Brit and Mags eating our swimsuit bodies away by the river, Tess's words ring loud and true.

Excellent presentation

I'm clinging tightly to that optimism this evening, knowing that I have to get a second job and that it will be a good deal of time before I'm back to a normal level of stress. Staying positive is easier said than done. Luckily, Kevin put a smile on my face tonight when he made dinner for all the roommates. Originally, we wanted to have a roommate dinner out, but I had to pull the plug on that idea considering my finances. None-the-less, spending designated time together at home was really nice. We were able to get to know each other better as well as appreciate Kev's cooking skills: delicious dish of rice, beef, mangos, and cucumbers.

The moments I spent with Claire and Lindsey eating guac, Mags and Brit by the river, and the roommates on the couch are beautifully summed up by this quote:

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."  ~Robert Brault

Fall

Woo wee it's so cold! I know this fall weather is nothing compared to harsh NY winters, but good thing I've been cutting back on the Velveeta & Shells- jean time has arrived! Isn't it funny how we talk about the change of seasons with renewed excitement every year? It's like Pumpkin Spice Lattes and leggings are brand new phenomenons...not something from which we merely took a 9 month hiatus. Gearing up for summer is the same thing. Advertisements proclaim "Beach season is here! Get your bikini body now!" as if we had no idea the sun was going to start warming our part of the earth anytime soon. It's not like these seasons haven't been happening at the same time every single year for the past billion years. Okay, maybe not billion...wasn't the Ice Age in there somewhere? Anyways, I still find it funny that we talk about the weather like it's something exhilarating and new...even though we're just putting on the same scarves, boots, and jeans we wore last year (if they still fit...).

Me, Maggie, and Brittany last night

I was nice and warm last night, none-the-less, in the new pajama pants my Miss VA roomie, Maggie, bought for Brittany and me! Maggie is in New York until Monday, so we had a sleepover last night. Funny that she came in town right after I wrote that blog about pageant friendships :) Thank goodness she had been up since 5am, because I am an old lady and all I wanted to do after work was make dinner, watch some mindless T.V., and hit the sack. Thus, she ordered pizza, I made some chicken alfredo, Brit made impressively fancy salmon cakes, and the three of us cuddled up to watch "The Last Song." All you Miley Cyrus haters out there can complain your hearts out, but she was adorable in this movie. I will admit that I'm a little bitter that she's been dating Liam Hemsworth, her costar, for three years...but no big deal- he has an older brother.

Claire and Lindsey get here at 7 tonight, so we have quite the full house this weekend! Looks like we'll take it easy tonight, go sight-seeing tomorrow, then have a big outing tomorrow night in Manhattan! Thompson (the real life Hitch I met with Lauren a few days ago) is bringing friends, and Brittany and I invited a bunch of girls who live in the City, so we'll be rolling deep! I can't wait for all of the craziness to come!

PS- Sorry this post is so short...I thought I had time to write before work. Wrong.

The Truth About Pageants

Recently, I was at a house party and a friend of a friend I'd just met said, "So, maybe this is a rude question, but you do, like, beauty pageants, right?" First of all, you clearly know that I do pageants, so stop acting like you haven't already stalked me on Facebook. Secondly, no, that's not a rude question if you don't ask it like I'm known for dropping stink bombs in the middle of church. I will admit that I don't make a big to-do about my participation in pageants because of the stigma attached, but I do get offended when other people talk about them with the air of disapproval. It's kind of like talking about your mom or sibling- you can complain all you want, but God help the person who tries to do the same. She really has no idea what she's talking about.

Miss Angola, Leila Lopes, crowned Miss Universe 2011

With the Miss Universe Pageant making headlines this past week, I found myself getting furious as I read the derogatory remarks about the women involved in pageants...the same vulgar comments that have been made for the past twenty years. Seriously, feminists, either find a new angle or go away. To me, their comments about these women being "dumb" and "parading themselves around like pieces of meat" are rude, belittling, and contradictory to what feminists supposedly stand for. These writers claim to believe in the power of women to strive for any dream they want- be it lawyers, doctors, politicians, ANYTHING. Well, something I desire to be is a woman with a voice. A woman little girls will listen to. A woman who lives her life in a healthy, ethical, and challenging way. A woman who isn't afraid to be feminine and confident. A WOMAN. I don't need to be in a business suit and bossing people around to project "girl power." Frankly, I respect the differences between men and women and find no need to completely eradicate gender codes. Sure, it's a woman's prerogative to become CEO of a company or President of the United States, but it's also her prerogative to become Miss America, Miss USA, or Miss Universe. If feminism is giving women the right to chase any dream they desire, free of criticism or oppression, then why criticize and oppress women who dream of winning a pageant?

Give me a 10 or a 2, I felt great

I understand why the swimsuit competition makes some people upset. And I won't play stupid and say that some girls don't go overboard. However, I've done it. I've put on my bikini and four inch heels and marched myself across a stage, allowing seven judges to look for my flaws and give my not-perfectly-toned butt a number. But you know what? I've never been more motivated to get in the best shape of my life. I was healthy, thin, and proud of the body I'd worked so very hard for. The way I see it, the swimsuit competition is a reflection of how hard you will work for a goal. No, it is not easy or natural to be fit and thin (at least for most people), but what's so wrong with working out and making it happen? I handled a ten minute intellectually demanding interview of firing squad questions regarding the political arena, my personal platform (diversity awareness), and controversial social issues. I practiced and perfected my talent of opera singing that taught me discipline and dedication throughout my entire childhood. I indulged in my sexiness and femininity to exude poise in an evening gown that represented the class and confidence all of my "pageant preparation" had extracted from within me. Thirty seconds in a swimsuit was not going to keep me from my dream job of traveling the state and promoting my platform. And, let's be honest, the only reason someone doesn't want to get in a swimsuit on a stage is because they don't like the way they look (argue all you want, but it's true). If you love your body- whether you're a size 2 or a 14- why wouldn't you be okay with other people looking at it in a controlled, non-sexual setting? The girls who go on stage in those swimsuits are the ones truly promoting what it means to be unwaveringly confident in your body- not promoting the opposite. I mean, I certainly did not get a perfect 10. But I'm okay with that because I was happy with how I looked. That's what it's all about- being YOUR best and recognizing that if you believe you are a 10, who cares if you're holding a trophy at the end of the night?

Merissa and me at a Children's Miracle Network fundraiser

The fact that people feel better about themselves when putting down "pretty pageant girls" is sickening. Unless you know each individual girl, who are you to judge what that woman is like? I only have experience in the Miss America Organization, which is scholarship-based rather than modeling (Miss USA/Universe is owned by Trump and does not include talent or scholastic aspects), but I can say with no hesitation that women who compete in pageants are no more self-absorbed or worse examples than anyone else in this world. As a matter of fact, the girls I know through pageants are less self-absorbed than most other girls our age and the best examples of successful, driven women I've ever encountered. You can make fun of the good girls doing community service with their big white smiles, but when was the last time you visited a hospital to play with the kids or raised awareness for a worthy cause? If you have, good on you. But a good heart and a good deed is no less admirable just because a girl is associated with pageantry.

My dear friend, Katie Uze, spoke to around 30,000 students about anti-bullying during her year as Miss Virginia 2010. Not only was she recognized by U.S. Congress for her efforts, but she's received countless thank you letters from teachers, parents, and students expressing how her presentation changed- even saved- lives.

Even a pageant system that is not as involved with scholarship and service as the Miss America Organization does not simply draw dense, conceited muses. You can't tell me that Miss USA 2007, Rachel Smith, doesn't have an impressive bio (thanks, Wikipedia): "Smith graduated magna cum laude from Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee in 2006 with a bachelor of science in journalism. Smith graduated a semester early, in December 2006. She received a full tuition scholarship to attend Belmont due to her community service activities and academic achievements throughout high school.While she was at Belmont, she interned in Chicago, Illinois, for eight months with Harpo Productions, a company owned by Oprah Winfrey. In January 2007, it was announced that she had been chosen by Winfrey to volunteer for one month at her Leadership Academy for Girls." So, feminists, you're telling me that her accomplishments are tainted by the fact that she won Miss USA? Good argument. Not.

Phew. Glad I got that all out.

Oh, and did I mention we're the best of friends? That dress-cutting sabotage stuff is nonsense. This doesn't even begin to cover it:

Katie, the fabulous Miss VA I mentioned above, and me cuddling in 2008 :)

 

 

 

Dealbreakers & Warnings

Being sick is no fun. I have a really big weekend coming up with a bunch of my friends who are visiting, so I stayed home from work today to recover. I'm feeling a smidge better, but the scratchiness in my throat and general tiredness is still lingering. Grocery shopping was my one outing of the day, but even that took a lot out of me. Mind you, grocery shopping always takes a lot out of me considering it's a half mile walk with heavy plastic bags digging into your fingers, leaving red dents, joint pain, and shoulder stiffness for a half hour afterwards. Today was just particularly dreadful since my energy level plummeted with each step. Not to mention I got home to find that I'd picked a bad batch of grapes. What a terrible discovery that was.

Sex and the City reruns occupied my afternoon, listening to Carrie Bradshaw's advice for single women living in New York. Rather appropriate, I'd say. One of the episodes was about dealbreakers. Another was about the fear of letting someone see all of your flaws should they move in. Since my brain isn't functioning at full capacity (I'd guess I'm using about 6.5% rather than the normal 10% of the average human...), I think I'm just going to make this blog a list. First of my dealbreakers. Second of the things you should know about me before moving in...and I'll just defer future candidates to this list if they ever show interest. Brit also contributed, as who would know better my annoying flaws than the person who currently puts up with them?

Dealbreakers:
-smoking
-drugs
-unemployment
-unintelligent/uneducated
-really yellow teeth
-doesn't care about staying somewhat fit
-has a history of cheating
-has no friends
-doesn't have a normal moral code
-doesn't believe in God

What you should know about me before moving in:
-I have a very acoustically resonant mouth that results in abnormally loud chewing and swallowing, even with my mouth closed
-I don't like to go to sleep with any noise or lights on
-Sometimes I just don't feel like talking and you can't take it personally; this may include selective hearing
-Sometimes I won't stop talking
-I will remind you to do your dishes
-I don't enjoy cuddling while sleeping. Before is fine. But when it's time to sleep, go to your side of the bed.
-I don't make the bed
-I tend to lose my keys and get locked out a lot
-I often forget to take my clothes out of the dryer
-Sometimes my long hair clogs the drain
-If you push snooze more than once and are getting up earlier than me, I won't be thrilled
-My stomach gurgles loudly and at inopportune moments
-I prefer the blindes to be pulled completely up rather than just opened
-I drop and spill everything. Things will break. Things will be wasted. I've tried to improve my clumsiness, but it's not going to change.

I'm sure I have additional embarrassing/irritating qualities, but if you can look past the ones mentioned above, I assume you can look past the other stuff, too. "You" refers to whatever future roommate/eligible bachelor is reading this, considering I have no viable options at the moment. Although my boss is trying to hook me up with the graphic designer who works at STAPLES. I have the pleasure of visiting him once or twice a week (now referred to as "dates"), so that's obviously moving along nicely. He usually helps me from behind the counter, but yesterday he ventured over to the copy machine to show me how to change the paper size. Gettin' prettyyyy serious. He's legitimately quite attractive, particularly with the tan he just got from his vaca. I was wondering where he was all last week! No I wasn't, actually. Lynn is trying to get him to ask me out, so she called STAPLES last week to make sure Chris was working before sending me there on an errand. They told her he was on vacation, so I wasn't sent on the mission until his return. Glad my boss is lookin' out. I have to take something back to the store tomorrow, so I'll be sure to shower in the morning. Goodnight! Better get my beauty sleep...

9/11: Ten Years

The two beams of light where the towers once stood

As I look through my bedroom window at the ghost beams of light representing the World Trade Centers, I wonder what I would have seen on the morning of September 11, 2001. I generally leave for work between 9-9:30am, so the scene would have unfolded before my eyes, only a few miles in the distance. Not often do I deeply reflect on the events of that day, mostly for selfish reasons. I don't want to think of the fear, the pain, and the devastation of people involved. Tonight I am forcing myself to watch coverage and listen to testimonies of survivors and family members. The hardest part for me is not imagining what the victims experienced, for I can't even begin to comprehend what they went through. Rather, the hardest part is hearing the stories of those who lost their wives, husbands, fiances, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, fathers, siblings, children, friends, and roommates. I was lucky enough to not directly know someone who lost his/her life in the attacks, but I can hear and see the devastation in the recollections of those who did. Even now, I find it difficult to write because the heartbreak for the families and friends of victims is weighing me down.

George and me

George, who I dated for over a year and is now a good friend of mine, works for Marsh & McLennan Insurance Company, which had offices on the 93rd-100th floors of the North Tower. Over 200 employees from that company were killed on 9/11. They were among the floors where a majority of the "jumpers" fell to their deaths. My thoughts are with his company this week as they head to work, haunted by the loss from ten years ago. I keep thinking, what if George had been there? There are plenty of women who are now 33 who lost 23 year old ex-boyfriends and close friends inside of that building. Intelligent young professionals like George, thrilled to have a steady job after finishing undergrad. I know it's morbid and unnecessary to think "what if," but thousands and thousands of people don't get to think "what if." It is a reality they live with every day. The least I can do is allow myself to step into their shoes for a few painful, imaginative moments to unify my heart with them, my fellow Americans.

I don't want this entire post to be about the terrorist attacks that took place in the city I now call home. The United States has moved forward in a beautiful, bittersweet, and commendable way. One of the most enlightening memories I have in my life was seeing American flags on every door in Virginia Beach as I stared out the window of my school bus. I knew in those days following September 11th that I lived in a very special country. Strangers acknowledged each other in a way I had never seen before and may never see again. We will never forget the events that changed our way of life and hearts for the rest of time, but we can be proud of how our country continues to function with dignity, freedom, and love among its millions of inhabitants.

On that note, Friday night I joined Jim and Lindsay for an outing with Jacob and his friends from high school. We went to a bar/club called "Pianos" on the Lower East Side. For the first time since I've been here, I got truly homesick. An hour or so after arriving, all I wanted was to put on flip flops, a tank top, and shorts and sit on a stool in CP Shuckers at the Virginia Beach Oceantfront. The lights were too dark, the music was too loud, and everyone was dressed up and dancing. In theory, it was a "fun" scene. But after four weeks of fast pace, whirlwind excursions and tiring new experiences, anxiety slapped me straight across the face. I don't belong here. I am not a schmoozer. I am not the life of the party. I like to wear bright colors sometimes, not always black. Heels hurt. I miss my car. All of these thoughts overwhelmed my mind and I needed to get out. I texted Tess, the best friend a girl could asked for, who came to Pianos, grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go." Just seeing her familiar face calmed me down. Having grown up together in Virginia Beach since we were seven or eight years old enables her to understand me more than almost anyone. She knew I didn't regret moving to NY at that moment, but that I'm not always the best at handling certain crowds and can get overwhelmed/emotional easier than most would suspect. I was so grateful to be with someone who didn't see me as feeble for needing to leave. Never did the thought "I wish I hadn't moved here" cross my mind. Instead, I was accepting that the transition isn't easy and finally letting the wall of fear break down a bit. With the support of those who love me, I know I am strong enough to overcome the obstacles that I face here. That moment of weakness was almost refreshing in that it allowed me to be honest with myself, then pull my head back up and continue embracing this new life I've chosen.

Thompson and me after lunch

The following day was far more calming and a much-needed reminder of the normalcy New York can offer. Lauren, who is subletting her room to Brit and me, stopped by for a few hours during a layover on her way to London. We talked about our fabulous summer at Busch Gardens, where she was a dancer/singer the same season I worked there, and enjoyed basking in the comfort of a grounded friendship. After an hour or two of girl talk at the apartment, we ventured into the City to meet some of her friends. The real life "Hitch" is actually her closest guy friend. For those of you who didn't see that movie, Hitch was the most sought after dating coach in NYC. Well, his name is Thompson Plyler in real life. Ranked as the #1 dating coach in the city, his clients come to him to learn how to make women feel comfortable and special. Naturally, Thompson was a real joy to be around with his witty comments and constant flow of compliments. Although I couldn't help but be cynical when he made me laugh, wondering if I was falling for a "step." Pleasantly, I came to find that he is just a genuinely great guy helping to bring out the best in other men. I really hope to hang out with him in the future, as he is one of the first people I've met here who seems to get my sense of humor and didn't care that I was dressed like I just took a time machine from the ninth grade and ended up in a sushi restaurant on the Upper West Side. Lauren even caught the hilarious photo above of Thompson charming his way past my skepticism...I had no clue she was taking it.

With Lauren during her six hour, too-short visit

After a wonderful day with Lauren, I met Tess and her roommate for dinner at my favorite, oober-cheap Thai restaurant. Chrissy, her roommate, kept us laughing the entire time, making voices and saying inappropriate words just because she could. She just got back from FIVE WEEKS paid vaca. FIVE. She went to Florida and spent time with her family, and with the sun, making her tan and ready to have a good time with friends after being parentally- engrossed for such a long time. After stuffing face, we went to her friend's apartment for a Nintendo video-release party...talk about nerd world. But not in a bad way. Everyone was just really smart and very bro-fest oriented. I chatted with a guy who just started law school at NYU for a while, but ended up being too tired to make a night of it, so I left after two glasses of water and a little bit of hummus.

Tess and me before dinner

Tomorrow begins another week of work! Time is really flying. I'm looking forward to Thursday, though, when my Miss VA roommate, Maggie, arrives! Then Friday, Claire and Linds (see D.C. weekend blog post) are finally making their postponed visit originally scheduled for the weekend of Hurricane Irene!