Shannon's NYC: Sassy B-Words

New Yorkers are cynical of the people around them. Maybe it's not just a New Yorker thing, but it sure seems like a more widespread problem up here. If someone doesn't smile enough, they're timid and anxious. If someone smiles too much, they're fake and naive. If someone is quiet, they're insecure and boring. If someone talks too much, they're immature and annoying. If someone is young, they're incapable and unrelatable. If someone is old, they're jaded and past their prime.

UGH.

This judgy attitude that precedes any form of worthwhile interaction makes me tired. And sad. When I was in college, I didn't run with a particularly gossipy group. I trusted all of my friends to bring any issues to the forefront, and they did (though issues rarely surfaced). But now, here in what is supposed to be "mature adulthood," I have witnessed far most scrutiny about people's "friends" when their backs are turned than I did in college. Don't get me wrong, my New York friends are great, and most New Yorkers are more loyal friends than I've ever seen, but their attitudes towards acquaintances and those they don't consider "close" friends are sour. This is particularly true in the restaurant world.

I was recently told that another server at work said that I "talk too much." My reaction? Truly, I'd rather that be the complaint about me than any of the remarks I hear about other people. Besides, I do talk a lot. Too much? Eh, that's up for discussion. I've mentioned this comment to a few friends who have all assured me that I don't talk an annoying amount at all, and that it's just become popular to be a "sassy b****" (that's actually the PG version of the real name my friend gave to the overly sarcastic and Eor-type characters that flood this town). Still, I think to myself, why does something negative have to be said about everyone? I mean it when I say that if "talking too much" is all that's being passed around about me, I'm thrilled. But how sad is that? Why should negative energy be so prevalent in my environment that I'm grateful for the way my feelings were hurt? That it's bound to happen, so at least they're not saying anything worse.

No. This is an epidemic that we shouldn't just accept and get used to because sarcasm and rude-but-witty humor is popular. I'm 24, happy with myself, and a generally forgiving person, so I can handle a comment made by someone I've worked with no more than five times. Maybe he had a hangover one day when I was telling a story and my enthusiasm gave him a headache. I don't know. But what he says doesn't bother me to the point that I'm insecure about who I am. I like to interact with people and that will not change just because a cynical New Yorker thinks I'm too peppy. However, not everyone is me. Middle schoolers are probably not able to shake off a rude remark so easily. Neither is a person who has self-esteem issues or an extremely sensitive personality.

This "sassy b****" idea has trickled down to youth, causing outrageous bullying in schools. It has seeped into workplaces, making everyone feel self-concious. It has poisoned relationships and threatened friendships. Thus, it is every single person's responsibility to never make anyone else feel hurt or bad about themselves. This doesn't mean you will get along with everyone, nor does it mean that everyone will deserve the best treatment. However, the guy you think is too serious may have grown up with braces, not wanting to smile. The new girl at work who seems shy may be hilarious and brighter than you think. The older guy with an intimidating weariness may be the most kind-hearted man in the room. The ex-pageant girl who seems fake might actually have a gigantic heart. Focusing on the things you like about a person along with searching for the peices you dont yet know will not only save you a lot of stress (because being a sassy b**** can be stressful), but get you a lot more friends. And if you just don't particularly like somone at the end of the day, how will saying something mean about them change that? May as well keep it to yourself. Gossip doesn't help you, the person you're gossiping about, or the people you're gossping with.

I've fallen into the trap before. Pre-judging someone, saying something mean when I'm annoyed, or delivering a snappy one-liner at the expense of someone else. No one is perfect. But us "mature adults" need to step back at times and re-evaluate the energy we're bringing to the world. We don't have teachers and parents telling us that our behavior is wrong, so our only reminders are those moments we're on the other side (i.e. when you hear that someone said you talk too much). We all know how it feels to be talked about, no matter how insignificant or serious the comment. Thus, my goal is to be more careful about any remark, flighty or purposeful, I make regarding someone else- no matter if I like, respect, or care for them. Because at the end of the day, negative thoughts and remarks have absolutely zero value.

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I haven't mentioned what I've been up to in a while, so here are some picture snippets: