Cheetoh Fingers

Children are fascinating little creatures. They can be annoying, lovable, infuriating, and adorable all at the same time. But why does everyone always say to become more childlike? The world would be a messy and loud place if we all reverted to our childhood ways. I'm talking Cheetoh fingers everywhere. Still, those bible verses and Oprah-wannabe-motivational speakers have a point. Children's minds and hearts make the most honest, precious, and sincere contributions to our often jaded existence.

Twice in the past week, I worked with dozens of kids at the West Side YMCA. These cuties were 7-13 years old, living in the age of snack time and cooties. Innocence jumped off their faces when I walked into the room holding my Miss New York sash and crown. Dropped jaws, Disney princess gasps, and frozen stares greeted me, followed by 20 questions. Are you a real princess? Is the crown real? How'd you become Miss New York? Do you have any pets? Can I tell you about my pets? Can I touch your earrings? Does wearing high heels hurt? You shouldn't wear high heels because you look pretty with out them.

Well, okay then. Whatever came to their minds, they asked and said. On the first day meeting them, I didn't have time to respond to the onset of questions before hitting the stage to rehearse for the benefit concert we'd be performing in together, but that didn't stop their curiosity or affection. Even when we were onstage, I'd get a random leg-cling here or a hand-hold there. The little girls hugged me at any opportunity and the boys waved whenever I looked their direction. My scheduled rehearsal ended at 6, but how could I say no when they invited me to stay for snack time?

Thirty minutes later, at least 20 little girls had tried on the crown, and my sash had escaped unscathed by dirty fingers! A minor miracle, if you ask me. I was exhausted from answering all of their enthusiastic inquiries and listening to all of their hurried stories about their families, hobbies, and achievements, yet I walked away incredibly refreshed. Those kids showered me with adoration without constraint, believed in my goodness towards them as to share with me all of their personal thoughts, and didn't think twice about taking my compliments or shelling out their own. If I told a child, "You look so pretty in that crown," she'd either say "Thank you!" or "I know!" None of this "You're just being nice" crud that adults think they need to say to come across humble. They told me they liked me dress, shoes, hair, smile, and earrings. One little girl told me I should wear my hair pulled over one shoulder and her peer said, "Oh, you totally should listen to her. She's really good at hair." Why don't adults compliment each other that much? If you like something, say it! If you think your friends are good at something, brag about them!

When I came back a week later for the actual performance (alongside numerous Broadway veterans...so neat), the children's welcome was too precious for words. All of the little munchkins ran to give me a hug as though I was their long lost best friend. One girl had even found a picture of me online and printed it so that I could sign it! As much as lazy me wanted to go sit in the green room with the rest of the performing adults, I stayed in the kids' holding room for the majority of the time to answer more questions, take pictures, and play an awesome new kid game called "Legen...wait for it...dary." Pretty sure none of them have seen How I Met Your Mother, but I'm really glad some teacher out there was hilarious enough to make a game out of the show's legen...wait for it...dary quote. See what I did there?

Children believe in virtue. They trust completely and expect you to do the same. They express themselves without fear of looking silly, never question if what they have to say is important, and find joy in something as small as being the one who gets to stand next to the princess onstage. They listen intently to the answers they asked for, have no hesitation to hug, and volunteer to help in any capacity. I think I'd take a Cheetoh hands pandemic in exchange for all adults to adopt that kind of childlike openness.
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Since the last time I blogged...

I walked in honor of my mom to raise money for Bladder Cancer research:

I went to a CITGO conference in Connecticut with Miss CT, Miss NJ, and Miss MA:

I met the entire Miss New York class of 2013:

And I attended an AIU/AIG lunch at the National History Museum:

Plus a few other things I'm sure I'm forgetting... :)

Who are we to...

Love this album

Who are we to be emotional?
Who are we to play with hearts and throw away it all?
Oh, who are we to turn each other's heads?
Who are we to find ourselves in other people's beds?

Have you ever become obsessed with a song simply for one little part of the melody or a small string of its lyrics? Of course you have. Recently, I've been listening nonstop to "This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)" by Ellie Goulding because of my love for the opening lyrics, posted above. I didn't really know why these words struck a chord with me when I first heard them, but as I've dissected what they mean, I've come to realize my fascination with how they reflect human egotism while equally reflecting human insecurity.

Off the bat, egotism and insecurity sound like opposing characteristics...a constant battle between the two as to which will rule our thoughts and actions. On second thought, the line between egotism and insecurity is a fine one. They almost always work in tandem rather than pull us in different directions. Insecurity is often masked by egotism, while egotism drives insecurity. Everyone knows the situation when a large ego masks insecurity- that guy who laughs too loud at his own jokes (though I crack myself up, so I totally get it) or the girl who wears overly promiscuous clothing to hide self-doubt. On the other hand, we also know people who are so proud of their bodies, cars, accomplishments, or basic presence on this earth that they're terrified of losing any of the things that make them so worthy of their own awesomeness. In this case, egotism fuels the insecurity of losing that superior status.

Ellie Goulding's lyrics (yes, I checked that she actually wrote the song) throw a spotlight on the human interaction that might possibly deserve the award for "Most Insecurity and Ego Shoved into One Topic": Relationships. Careers come in a close second. Still, when it comes to attracting those of the opposite sex- or the same sex if you live in Hell's Kitchen- confusion over our worthiness is a delicate and prevalent issue. Like Ellie sings, Who are we to hold in our possession another's heart and feelings? I'm shocked at the power we hold over the people we love. Almost as shocking is the power they hold over us. What is that indescribable chemistry that sparks between people, allowing hope of connection and fear of rejection all within a three second glance? That hope and fear only increases as we grow close to another person. When we find ourselves in someone else's bed or garnering second glances, ego is fed by the knowledge that someone else noticed us or allowed us into his/her life. Insecurity rears its head as we wonder if this attention is deserved, if it will last, and if it is genuine.

This all leads to a few questions. Can egotism and insecurity grow independently of one another? Particularly in relationships, is it possible to lose any sort of insecurity? Is it possible to not abuse the egotistical power in knowing that someone else adores us unconditionally? My opinion is no, to all three questions. Insecurity is egotistical in itself, wallowing in a fear about yourself. You, you, you. What others think of you. What you think of yourself. It revolves around the number one desire in life: maintaining a happy you. I don't say this in a bad way, after all- how can we not think mostly of ourselves? We're with ourselves all the time. But even when we're selfless or strong or philanthropic, those things all lead back to being proud of ourselves. When it's all said and done, I think egocurity (you like that? My lovely new word for the inevitable mix of egotism and insecurity) is a human condition too strong to fully conquer. In regards to the questions involving egocurity and relationships, no person is perfect. I really like to believe Mr. Right exists, but even Mr. Right will inevitably take for granted a woman's devotion during an ego-driven moment. Similarly, fully trusting someone doesn't mean you'll completely stop wondering if maybe he wishes you were a few inches shorter.

I love being alive for the mere excitement of free will. With all of this random thought about four lines of a song, I am able to see more clearly what to be cautious of becoming dominant in my own personality, while recognizing that everyone wrestles with the battle- or weird magnetism- between opposing instincts. We are not alone.

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To sum up the last few weeks:

One Dress Campain photo/video shoot

Crashed my brother's mini-college reunion with friends

And finally enjoyed a springtime Sunday brunch!

Fake Celebridom

Perception is not reality...sometimes we want it to be and sometimes we're grateful it's not. Goodness knows that's how my life is at the moment. Sure, bits and pieces of how our behavior is interpreted, how fun we look in Facebook pictures, and what others personally project onto us are indeed valid, but the entirety of "you" rarely matches the "you" everyone else knows. Or thinks they know. This is beginning to sound like an episode of that old MTV show "True Life." You think you know but you have no idea. Let's run with that. "True Life: I'm Miss New York."



Seven state titleholders + Miss America fighting the wind during the Brooklyn
Bridge photo shoot...how glamorous!

NY, VA,  SC, and HI

A few weeks ago was the official "Miss America Homecoming" for Mallory in NYC, celebrating her big win and new job as Miss America 2013. Mallory, myself, and nine other state titleholders gallivanted from appearance to appearance, much of the weekend forgoing sleep and food. Children and adults alike lined up for photo ops and gawked at the rhinestones on our heads and sashes. Little did they know that all, or most, of us are twenty-somethings that don't really know what we want to do with our lives (welcome to young adulthood), can barely afford much more than cup o' noodles, and spend the majority of our time alone. Miss Virginia and Miss South Carolina spend hours upon hours driving across their states, chugging five hour energy drinks and probably talking to themselves like crazy people because they're so used to being alone in their cars (just a guess, Rosemary and Ali...). Then there's Miss New York, who spends plenty of alone time in her studio apartment, answering emails and enjoying a not-so-shameful bowl of Velveeta shells and cheese. Yes, I am incredibly grateful for the fun appearances I get to make, the successful people I get to meet, and the way I get to make kids feel super special, but the perception of my life and who I am is far more glamorous than the reality.

Mal and I are never ever awkward.

I like to call being Miss New York "fake celebridom." When you wear the sash and crown, you are escorted around as though you are Kate Middleton's American replacement. When the rhinestones come off, you're pushed and shoved on the subway just like everybody else. I chuckled to myself the night the Miss America Homecoming was over and I headed back to my apartment in Washington Heights, still wearing the gorgeous black gown, but barefoot and holding open the door into my building with my butt as I tried to drag in the ridiculous amount of bags and suitcases I had acquired during the few days away. Suitcases were tumbling over, my hair was falling out, and I had to soccer kick a few bags to the elevator. One hour earlier, I was being whisked around a fancy party, not allowed to lift a finger. Oh, the irony.

After my classy arrival back at my humble apartment with the mountain of bags at 2am, I slept for two hours before waking up in time to sing the National Anthem at the New York City Half Marathon. Needless to say, I didn't deem a shower necessary that morning. I sang for thousands upon thousands of runners, once again escorted from tent to tent. Then a few hours later, BOOM, I'm playing cards with my family in an Irish Pub, not an ounce of glamor in sight. I'm telling you, the fake celebridom is very odd.

You don't have to be Miss New York to live a life different than the way others perceive it. Heck, with social media, we're all something like mini-celebs...except we're also our own PR managers. The thing with perception is that we can't get lost in others' opinions; we must stay cognizant about reality. At the same time, we need to use the way others see us to draw inspiration for our reality. For instance, the more people who tell me that I'm a great Miss New York, the more I want to work hard to make that statement more than just hot air. Or the opposite- if someone perceives me as stuck up because of pageant stereotypes, the more relatable I'm determined to be. We can't get lost in how we are perceived because reality is, well, reality, but we should use the eyes of others to shape our worlds into something we'll be proud of when someone starts getting to know the real us.

I don't have a solution for world peace and I don't own any blouses that cost more than $25 (shout out to Target and Forever 21), but I'm doing my darndest to be more giving, patient, intellectual, and sensitive because that's what people perceive a role model Miss New York to be...simply an upstanding woman. The wam bam glam perception can't really be changed- that's just the name of the game- but if you're reading this, please know that Miss New York is wearing faded jeans and a grey sweater while writing this on a smelly bus with no leg room.

Made this meme a few weeks ago...perfect, right? I crack myself up...

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Since the last time I blogged...(in no particular order)

I went to Cabo with my best friends, plus grandma/stepdad/cousin:

 

 

Met Bloomberg at the annual fundraiser for the National Marfan Foundation:

 

 



 



Went to a few appearances upstate:

 

 

Went to a fashion show:

 



Judged a cheesecake contest to raise money for Broadway Cares:

 

Attended all of the Miss America Homecoming events:

 

PS 22 Choir!

Good Morning America

Ben Vereen!



 

Hosted a few pageants, one during which a contestant drew my face for talent:

 

Had a major balloon sword fight:

 

Had my official Miss New York crown pictures taken:





 

Sent out lots of signed photos:

 

AND LOTS, LOTS MORE :-D



Appearances & Audition Rooms

Last Tuesday morning, I showed up at an audition for an Equity production of Annie Get Your Gun alongside 300 other people. I was pleased to get "typed in" (i.e. the casting director decided who he'd hear sing simply by looking each of us up and down for five seconds), so my singing audition was scheduled for later in the evening- at 5:00pm, to be exact. I went on my merry way home, pleased that I made it through the first "round"...if you count just standing there as an audition itself. I made myself a ham sandwich and watched an episode of Downton Abbey, forgetting that I was Miss New York for the moment (which is easy to do since this is quite a new concept for me). A quarter into my humble sammy, my phone rang at 3:00pm and a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend who knows someone at Fox News asked if I'd like to be on national television at 9:40 that night. I nearly choked.

The Sean Hannity Show was shooting a live segment regarding controversial Super Bowl advertisements, and the booking manager wanted Miss New York's opinion about the so-called sexist and racist commercials. I had yet to make an official appearance as Miss New York, so you can imagine my surprise (and nervousness) when realizing my first appearance would be on national television. If I messed up, only a couple million people would be watching. No biggie. (Hah!)

Scarfing down the rest of my sandwich (I am an embarassingly fast eater, so that was no problem for me), I immediately started brainstorming my talking points and watching the commercials Hannity would be focusing on. Oh, wait! I have to leave for my audition in 15 minutes! I scurried around to find the outfit I'd been wearing that morning (I needed to eat my food and answer emails in sweats, of course) and ran out the door.

No time to be nervous about singing "I Hate Men," I breezed into that audition room and belted my little face off, condensing all of my bad experiences with dating into one 16 bar audition. Boy, that felt good. Afterwards, the director then asked me this: "How does your dad sing?" Screeeeeeeeeech, whaaaat? A normal person would say "Excuse me?" or "Pardon me, I couldnt hear you." No, no. Not this rosebud. "My dad? Oh, he has a great voice." Crickets. "Honey, I don't care how your dad sings. How's your dancing?" Yes, this actually happened. Through laughing, I told him about my dancing abilities, and gathered my music from the pianist. On the way out the door, I looked back and said, "Sorry! I thought you might need some older guys for the show...my dad's pretty great." If this was any sign for how Hannity would go that night, we were in BIG trouble.

Two hours later, a black car arrived to take me to the Fox News building- straight to hair and make up (thank goodness). After bonding with the women who primped and pampered me, I sat in a waiting area with a really nice gentleman who was taking part in the segment right before mine. We chatted about life and- what else- my love life. He gave me a lot of advice about finding "the one" and seemed to take my jokes about dating in New York really well. Well, what do you know, but a few minutes later, Sean Hannity himself plops down next to me and starts talking to this guy about his career as a pilot. I pipe in, "Hey, my dad flew F-14s in the Navy!" Hannity looked at me like, "You didn't know that this guy was a pilot?" Shortly thereafter, I found out why. This man whom I had taken love advice from was, in fact, Scott O'Grady, a pretty famous fighter pilot who was shot down over Bosnia in the '90s. Whoops. I immediately felt honored to be sitting in a room with him.

My segment of the show went off without a hitch. I'm not one to place much prominence on Super Bowl ads, so I just gave my simple two cents about each commercial and tried to stay myself. Side note: Sean Hannity has amazing hair and is a really nice guy in person.

The next morning, I received a phone call about the audition the day before. I got a callback! Maybe my answer about my dad was memorable...? Unfortunately, the callback fell on the same day as my trip upstate to be a guest as Miss NY at the Miss Fulton County Pageant on Saturday. Such a bummer. I reluctantly informed the casting director's assistant that I would not be able to attend, and started preparing for the weekend. I was extremely disappointed since this show would be an amazing opportunity for my career, but backing out of commitments is just not what I do. Surprise! Thursday, the casting director himself emailed me with permission to skip the initial callback and attend the final reading/singing callback for the lead in the show! I love when things work out. Monday at 4:00pm I would read for "Annie" in Annie Get Your Gun.

With Miss NY's Outstanding Teen, Shannon Ryan, at Miss FC

Singing at and helping with the Miss Fulton County pageant on Saturday was really rewarding. The community really supports this organization, with over 400 people in attendance. Taking pictures and signing autographs for the little girls in attendance was by far my favorite part. Knowing I made them feel special reminds me why I decided to accept Miss New York in the first place. Last night, I even opened an email from the Mayor of Gloversville (where the pageant was held) thanking me for my visit. How fun is that?

Pictures at Miss Fulton County!

Yup, wore the same dress. If it ain't broke...

Linda, my Miss New York traveling companion and all around life-saver and personal comedian, dropped me back off at my apartment at 2:30am on Sunday morning, leaving me just enough time to get some shut eye and wake up in time to get to the Miss New York City Pageant taking place at 3:00pm. There, I sang the national anthem and watched many of my friends compete. My pageant-week roommate from last year's Miss New York Pageant walked away as the new Miss New York City! I'm extremely happy for her, as well as for the other two ladies who won the titles of Miss Cosmopolitan (great title, right?) and Miss Metropolitan (my local title last year). The best part of the day, though, was seeing Claire Buffie (Miss NY 2010 and an amazing friend) and Katie Uze (Miss VA 2010 and one of my first and closest friends I've made competing in the Miss America Organization). Oh, the other best part was finally getting to wear the official Miss New York state crown! The timing of its arrival couldn't have been more perfect since Katie got to be the first to "crown" me Miss New York (something Mallory- Miss America- will officially do at her Homecoming party in March). I started out competing in Virginia in 2008, when I met Katie and my whole love for the MAO began. Then I moved to New York, where I've started my adult life and am beyond honored to represent this state. So, to be crowned Miss New York by a former Miss Virginia and dear, dear friend was pretty darn perfect.

With Katie and Claire

The newest ladies who will compete for Miss New York 2013!

I was exhausted by Sunday night, but no rest for the weary! Monday was the final callback for Annie Get Your Gun! My life feels like it's been plucked right out of a T.V. show lately. Case-in-point: I showed up at the audition with about ten other girls. After reading a few sides (scenes from the show), five of us were left to sing. After I sang "You Can't Get a Man With a Gun" for the casting director, he asked if he could give me some advice. Naturally, I welcomed it. He kindly told me some changes he'd make to my performance, basically hinting that he could tell that I'm pretty green to the audition process. Most casting directors would have cut me, but instead he told me that he sees something special in me, which is why he kept me around until the very end (awesome!). Feeling gutsy, I asked, "Well, would you mind if I sing it again for you, this time applying what you just told me?" Amazingly, he said "Sure, I don't see why not." So I sang again. When I finished, he was so enthusiastic that I could hardly believe his words. He told me that he's rarely seen someone accomplish such an improvement in performance from just a few short minutes of direction. He told me that I was "very impressive" and that he loves my "voice, look, and energy." With one last surge of courage, I said "I sure wish I could re-read the sides now." He looked at me, paused, and said, "You know what? Come in tomorrow at 9:15 before I start my day of casting a different show. I'd like to hear you re-read the sides, as well, and can also work with you on them a bit." Really???? This busy casting director believes in me so much that he's willing to hear me again? And coach me through the scene? Obviously, I have no idea if I will land the role, but the fact that I'm on this man's radar is a huge accomplishment! I feel so honored and special that he's taken such an interest in my green talent amongst the hundreds of actresses who sing for him weekly. I can't wait for tomorrow morning (this morning, once this blog has been published)!

Clearly, my life has become just a bit busy these last few days, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My dreams are coming true left and right, which constantly reminds me of my mom. I know in my heart that she has something to do with all of this, and that gives me so much joy. Each exciting new step gives me more faith that she is still with me, which is the biggest gift of them all.

Speechless: Miss NY 2012!

Not often am I speechless. Don't get me wrong, over the years I have learned to hold my tongue when my older brother pokes fun at me in front of his good-looking friends and have discovered the beauty of a text that can be sent in one single message (pre-iPhone, of course), but communicating my emotions- both good and bad- has never been an issue for me. Then a funny thing happened on Saturday night, January 12, 2013.

Aileen and I watching Miss America 2013

I lost my words.

I was sitting in an apartment in Harlem with six strangers and one friend while watching the Miss America Pageant. These seven people were college friends with Laura Kaeppeler (Miss America 2012) and wanted to watch Laura pass on her title to this year's winner. I had met Aileen, the one of the seven that I knew, during a master class with casting director Bob Cline last November. Never one to have shame in inviting myself places, I asked Aileen if I could join her "Miss America viewing party" since my plans had fallen through. So, here I was, surrounded by mostly strangers, rooting on Mallory, Miss New York 2012 (one of my very close friends) and chowing down on a lot of baked brie. Mal and I met through the Miss America Organization- originally while singing...erm rapping...karaoke with a few mutual pageant friends in the fall of 2011. We then competed together in our local and eventually at Miss New York. Spoiler alert: she won. Anyways, since her reign as Miss New York, Mallory and I have continued to build our friendship. She was even the first person I saw in New York after my mom's passing, when she gave me a build-a-bear from all of the Miss New York girls, as well as a Fresh Direct gift card for groceries (because, as we know, nothing cheers up a pageant girl like food).

Right after Mallory gave me my build-a-bear

Being that she's such a gem, I was sitting on that couch in Harlem absolutely jumping out of my skin each time Mallory advanced in the competition. By the time she was standing as one of the final two, holding Miss South Carolina's hands, I was curled up in a little ball on the couch, my knees tucked to my face (wheat thin crumbs on my lips and plastic tiara on my head) with six people who didn't know me eyeing me as I prepared to explode. Miss America 2013 is.....MISS NEW YORK, MALLORY HAGAN!!!

And then it happened. My words were gone. I couldn't say "She did it!!" No, I could not even muster an "Oh my gosh!!" Instead, what can only be described as a banshee scream came pouring out of my mouth. Honestly, it sounded as though I had just witnessed murder. My voice teacher would have had a fit on account of my vocal chords as this terrible noise erupted from my throat for what must have been at least 15 full seconds. Eventually I stopped screaming when I realized that the neighbors of this stranger's apartment might call the police. Still, no words came for at least a few minutes as I made smaller, shorter shrieks while Mallory walked down the runway as Miss America.

Never once in that moment of mental collapse which resulted in my discovery that I have the chops to possibly star in the next exorcist movie did I think, "Oh cool! Now I'll be Miss New York!" I was not even in the Top 5 in the Miss New York Pageant. As a matter of fact, I've been very open about the fact that due to my mom's illness, I was so unfocused at last year's pageant that I was shocked to find myself in the Top 10. Consequently, when a couple of people this past week exclaimed, "Shannon! Maybe you'll take Mallory's title!", I looked at them as though they had just suggested that in a week from now I'd be on the moon. Crazy-talk.



Myself, Mallory, and Claire last night (sorry it's blurry!)

Well, crazy-talkers, you win. Here I sit, the new Miss New York 2012. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it since, in my mind, Mallory will always be Miss New York 2012. Still, last night I sat around a dinner table with Mallory herself, Claire Buffie (Miss NY 2010 and another dear friend of mine), Teresa Scanlan (Miss America 2011), and Gina Valo (Miss Michigan 2007, who took over when Kirstin Haglund won Miss America), realizing that I was now part of this state-titleholder sisterhood. I took a picture with Claire and Mallory, and Claire said, "Three Miss New Yorks in one picture!" I think that's when it hit me. I may have acquired this title a totally backwards way, but that doesn't mean it's not real. I certainly think of Gina as a former Miss Michigan and my friend Chinah as a former Miss Virginia (she took over when Caressa Cameron won Miss America 2010), so I guess that means that I'm just as much Miss New York as they were their states! (I'm trying to say that with certainty, but I'm not sure I'm nailing it yet)...

No matter how I got here, I couldn't be more grateful. I don't say the word "blessed" very often, not because I don't believe in God, but because I have a hard time deciphering what it means/implies. Those of you with a strong faith, I know that sounds weird, but I won't take the time to explain it now. Somehow, though, in this situation, "blessed" is the very way I feel, because deep down, I know that my mom had something to do with this. Come on, what are the odds? Let's take a look:

In my last year of eligibility in the MAO, I moved from Virginia to New York. My mom was diagnosed with cancer seven days before my local. Three months later, I made Top 10 in Miss New York (the last time my mom ever saw me on stage). Two and a half months later, she passed away, one of the last things she said to me being how glad she was that I did Miss New York because it gave her a chance to spend time with the whole family and to see me sing. Four months later, Mallory wins Miss America (the first Miss NY in nearly 30 years to do so) and all of the girls who placed above me pass on the title until finally, on a crowded bus, I receive an email asking me to become the new Miss New York.

How can I not believe that my mom went to heaven and pulled a couple strings to make my dream come true during what has been the hardest time of my life? This minor miracle of becoming Miss New York is precious proof that she is still with me, still my biggest fan. I know she would be jumping up and down, washing away all of my nerves about accepting this title (do I even look like Miss New York?? Last year's Miss New York, Kaitlin Monte, was recognized by Governor Cuomo for her work against bullying...who am I??), and motivating me to go out there and just give these next six months my all. Who cares that I had put my pageant days far behind me? I am no less capable now than I was when I was eating chicken and broccoli, size 2, and preparing for the pageant seven months ago. All I have to do is shift my mindset and prepare for what is to come! I like knowing that she'd say those things, because I cling to them fervently as I begin this new adventure.

Now that I've written a short novel, I would like to wrap up by saying THANK YOU to everyone who has reacted with such support and excitement. I've said it on this blog before, and I'll say it again, I don't want to be anyone but me. The friends and family I get to call my own make me incredibly happy on a daily basis, whether I'm goofy Shannon who is trying to make it on Broadway along with five million other people, or I'm the reigning Miss New York. So much has happened in one short year, but with the highs and the lows, I think I'm pretty darn lucky feel so loved through it all.

One last thing: AHHHHH!!!!!!! I'M MISS NEW YORK!!!!!

(If you're a first-time reader and like pageant stuff, read my post from a little over a year ago: The Truth About Pageants)

Why Pursue a Resolution

Cousins- Charlotte, Lawrie, Anne, me and Drew

I don't know about you all, but when I woke up on December 21st and the Mayan calendar was put to shame, not a whole lot changed in my life. I wasn't all of a sudden more grateful than I already am for the time I've been given to live, nor did I really care that much that they were wrong. It was just another day. Not in the sense that every day I get on an airplane to head off to the Caribbean (nod to the photograph), but you know what I mean. Similar feelings, or lack there of, have settled in my heart about the new year. Before I continue with my thought, everyone reading this PLEASE note that you should say "Happy New Year" not "Happy New Years." We are celebrating but ONE new year. Sorry, pet peeve, and now you've learned something. Anyways, today is January 1, 2013. I don't believe in the whole "this year will be the best one yet," as if each time the earth revolves around the sun is equivalent to a life reset button.

Who among us has truly accomplished something great as a result of a New Year's resolution? I'm sure many of us have lost seven pounds in January (only to gain eight in February), or perhaps we have stopped using foul language or made deliberate efforts to be more patient. However, did Celine Dion wake up on January 1, 198-something and decide to make her singing career happen? Did Thomas Edison decide on New Year's eve that he would become more interested in electricity? Did Kim Kardashian start dating Kanye because she wanted to die with a man by her side on the Mayan doomsday? Ehhh...actually, that last one is probably a yes. Still, people don't experience the biggest successes of their lives because of the start of a new calendar year. Marriage, careers, deep contentment...these things all start in one of two ways: luck or pursuance over time. Often both. You may say "well, you can START pursuing something on January 1st." True, however the goals to which we commit generally can't be reached without motivation. Motivation is the key to pursuance. And as much as I adore Ryan Seacrest, listening to him count down while the ball drops hardly motivates me to do anything more than refill my champagne glass while I watch couples around me swap spit.

These past few months, I've been more focused than ever on my singing career. I took a three week intensive musical theatre workshop with one of the top casting directors in New York City, found an absolutely spectacular vocal coach, and learned seven or eight new songs. Two things motivated me to do so: 1) losing my mom to cancer and 2) having one particular moment where I looked around and realized, very fearfully, where I don't want to be in 10 years. Knowing who I want to be for my mom/biggest fan and who I want to be for my own pride and longterm happiness made getting the ball rolling a lot easier for me. I am 24 and will blink and be 30. If I want a career outside of the restaurant industry, I can't pray a producer moves in next door and discovers me while I sing around my apartment. That'd be awesome, actually, and perhaps I won't stop praying for that. However, the reality is that I'll have to wait in some really long audition lines at 7am, take plenty of classes to improve, maybe start stretching so I can dance better (ugh, only maybe), and start surrounding myself with people who have similar goals and are working just as hard to achieve them.

Now, obviously I don't wish the pain of losing a family member or any sort of tragedy on anyone in order to provide motivation for life change, but if life is going to be better in 2013, it has to be for some reason other than "no better time to start than January 1st." The good news is that inspirational or light-fire-under-your-butt moments happen more often than we know. We just can't be too lazy to recognize them. Learn from the people around you- who you want to be, who you don't want to be, who you want to befriend, who you wish you had back, and who you should let go. You can find motivation in just about anyone. I firmly believe that humans are a lot like songbirds. Each of us is a unique song, made up of all the other songs we've heard around us. We can pick and choose our melodies and in turn spread our tunes to everyone around us. Perhaps that sounds cheesy, but I believe it to be an accurate depiction of who we become and what we achieve. Community, culture, and other indivuduals are the ultimate shapers of Self.

So, on this new year, keep an eye out for motivational experiences and people- both good and bad- that you might usually overlook, and perhaps you will start pursuing something much greater than only eating chocolate on weekends. And hopefully we'll all have a little luck this year, too. Any worthy bachelors still out there?? ;)