Miss New York Farewell Letter

Contestants and myself painted a home demolished by Sandy

The following is my official farewell letter that was published in the Miss New York program book last weekend (along with pictures from throughout the week!):

Miss New York is a prestigious title. New York is home to the world's most renowned city, Beyonce (at least half the year), and- most importantly- the original Buffalo sauce. The representative of this extraordinary state is expected to uphold the reputation of independence, cultured intelligence, and fast-talking wittiness, all while rocking six inch heels and an outfit that screams "Fashion Capital of the World." You might imagine the intimidation factor in accepting this role, particularly in the glorious wake of Mallory Hagan's crowning at Miss America rather than in the spotlight of a gorgeous theatre full of adoring pageant fans. No, I was not in a gown or wearing fake eyelashes when I became Miss New York. I was in the bathroom of a restaurant where my friend's dad's 50th birthday party was being held, going over the responsibilities in store for me with Director of Operations, Paul Brown, on the phone. "I'll do it," I said.

That's one of the most brilliant things that has ever come out of my mouth.

I often joke with my friends that I'm the default Miss New York, but as I reflect on the last six months, I know the invalidity of that statement. I have given this title the best of me. I may not have changed legislation regarding my platform or sung my talent on the Miss America stage, but I've changed the minds of pageant critics and sung the National Anthem in Central Park for the New York City Half Marathon (and at about six million other events). I've spoken to over 4,000 students about multiculturalism and the importance of treating everyone, differences small or great, with kindness. I've "crowned" countless children and adults with the Miss New York garb, providing confidence and laughs. I've performed alongside Broadway veterans and posed for photographers with Mayor Bloomberg. I've petted pigs, held babies (it's amazing how moms pass over their 8-week-olds as long as you have a crown on your head), had snack time with 3rd graders, and was a pizza party guest of honor for a middle school Student Council. I've made a champagne toast

to a room full of people who don't speak English, learning the crucial life skill that interpreters cannot remember entire paragraphs at a time. They will say something completely different from what you said that makes the audience laugh, when what you actually said was absolutely not funny at all. I've developed relationships with the incredible Miss New York sponsors, friendships with fellow state titleholders, and a newfound belief in myself that I am capable of anything. Heck, my very first appearance as Miss New York was on national television in front of millions of people on The Sean Hannity Show. Bring it on, real world.

As much as I gave my heart since becoming Miss New York, I received back every ounce of love and effort I poured out. Much of that return was from the kids' smiles, thank yous from school administrators and event coordinators, and experiences I will carry with me the rest of my life, but feeling the incredible support from individuals who made my reign a success was equally rewarding. Thank you Paul, Kenny, Faith, Diane, Ken, Cathy, Stuart, and Terry for your leadership as the Miss New York Board of Directors. Thank you Mallory and Claire B. for your priceless advice and friendships as former Miss New Yorks. Thank you Deana for being not only an unbelievable communicator and advocate for the MNYO and me personally as Business Manager, but also for being my confidant and biggest source of general support I've had as Miss New York. Thank you Christina T. for your mentorship and Linda for driving me all over the state and being dedicated to this organization in a way that is unmatched . Thank you Katie, Nina, Maria, Desiree, and Acacia. You are all Miss New Yorks to me. Thank you Elizabeth and Tommy for chaperoning me at events and Claire M. and Lindsey for being key players in my accepting this title. Saving the best for last, thank you to my heart and soul, that is my family. Dad, Jean, Jim, Lindsay, Drew, and Sherwin, you all have been to way too many pageants/pageant functions. I will never be able to repay you. Thank you for loving me, crown or no crown, and for teaching me the meaning of selflessness, true happiness, and unconditional support. I love you all.

And thank you, Mom. I know you went to Heaven 10 months ago and pulled some strings to make this dream of mine come true. You've been my number one fan from the day I was born, never missing one single pageant and holding an unwavering balance of loving support while never adding pressure as a stage mom. I would not be here without you. I'm glad you got to see every moment of these last six months from the best seat in the house, overlooking it all.

May everyone remember that winning is not in the crown, and cheers to the new Miss New York 2013!

<3 Shannon Oliver
Miss New York 2012



Miss New York 2013- Nina Davuluri!

Mediterranean Cruise

Mykonos

I'm only 25, as of two weeks ago, and already my life seems so full. I am Miss New York, I've worked in AIDS homes and leper colonies in India, and I have traveled the world on luxurious cruise ships that my friends in India could never comprehend as any more realistic than Santa Clause or Hogwarts (I'm still holding out for my child to get a letter to join the wizarding world). In the last week alone, I visited Italy, Spain, Greece, and Turkey. Prior to seeing those countries, I've been to Denmark, Poland, Estonia, Russia, Norway, Sweden and Finland. Add in Scotland, England, France, Singapore, and India (as I mentioned), I think it's safe to say that I've had more adventures than most people do in a lifetime.

The interesting thing, though, is that through all the international travel and the incredible history, scenery, and entertainment at my fingertips, nothing is as engrained in my mind as the

Step-grandpa, Ron, at Pisa with all our purses

people I've shared it all with. Through moments with loved ones- old, new, and temporary (i.e. the piano man on the ship...totally platonic, totally temporary, but lots of love), I realize that location is just a setting for memories. Not of the sky, water, or ancient ruins, but memories of who you are with at the time. Recognizing that vital part of experiences- the people part- makes me appreciate the memories with people in "normal" settings. I'm so grateful for my glorious time abroad, but at the end of the day, my experience could be just as profound in someone's backyard in Ohio. Just as long as memories are being made with those I love.

In the last two weeks, I've made some extraordinary memories. I love how my dad somehow figured out where the ruins down below in Pompeii were when we were way up on top of the volcano,

Venice

Venice ferry

pointing them out to us all (who were pretty much only aware of the pretty view before he showed us the cool stuff). I love how I learned all about my step-grandfather's life when the two of us were the only two that weren't completely melted by the Greek sun on top of the Acropolis in Athens, so we walked an extra loop around the ruins together as he told me about his time in grad school. I loved when my little 9-year-old brother leaned against me in the ferry boat in Venice, and how much my cousins and I laughed around the diner table every night on the ship...until our abs hurt (at least mine did). I loved singing with the pianoman, Kory, every night in Crooner's Lounge, making friends with his brother who was on the ship at the time. I loved swimming with my little brother's former nanny- and friend of mine-Val and cousin Jake in Mykonos, and watching my stepmom light a candle for her late mom at the House of the Virgin Mary in Ephesus. None of these glorious experiences would've been glorious without the people who I shared them with.

Happy couple- Dad/Bonus Mom

Sammy lookin' super thin...

Coming home is not sad (okay, maybe a little) because each day is an opportunity to make more amazing memories with people I adore. Will they be in the Leaning Tower of Pisa or in a gondola in Venice? No, but they can be just as significant. These next few weeks are my last as a resident of New York City, something that makes me teary-eyed to write. I look back on the first entry of this blog and think of everything that has happened since then in amazement, pride, and a little bit of pain. I will miss the people who I've made memories with in New York, like my coworkers at Bond 45, all so diverse and intelligent, who accept every new employee as family and have a joyful spontaneity that I've never seen in another group of people. I'll, of course, miss the close proximity to my brother and sister-in-law, but I know our hearts will never be far. I'll miss my best friends Tess and Tommy, though they will always be in that circle of family-friends, and the

Kory the Pianoman

incredible women I've come to view as sisters in the Miss New York Organization. I'll miss people who I befriended in the beginning of my New York journey at promotional events and on OkCupid (everyone does it- don't judge me), the ones I never spent enough time with from Busch Gardens or college, and all the talented, loving people I met at auditions or in music workshops. I'll miss the people who changed my life that perhaps I will talk to rarely, if ever. That's a LOT to miss. Yet, with the fear and sharp pang in ending this chapter comes the excitement of new memories I'll make with loved one in Washington, D.C. With two of my closest friends in the world, Claire and Lindsey. With my amazing- truly, truly amazing- boyfriend, Chris. With my long lost best friends from the Pearls (a cappella in college) and my first friend in the Miss America Organization, Katie. With so many people I have yet to meet. I can't wait for the new memories!

Whether in Rome or New York or Washington, D.C., the beauty of location is not in the physical surroundings, but in the people you are with. As nostalgic as this post is, if you've made it to the end, what I hope to convey is that you don't need to visit landmarks you've read about in textbooks or dress up on a Titanic-type ship to have just a much fun as I did over the last few weeks. You've just got to put down your iPads and remote controls and go engage with people you love- and meet some new ones along the way.

Cheetoh Fingers

Children are fascinating little creatures. They can be annoying, lovable, infuriating, and adorable all at the same time. But why does everyone always say to become more childlike? The world would be a messy and loud place if we all reverted to our childhood ways. I'm talking Cheetoh fingers everywhere. Still, those bible verses and Oprah-wannabe-motivational speakers have a point. Children's minds and hearts make the most honest, precious, and sincere contributions to our often jaded existence.

Twice in the past week, I worked with dozens of kids at the West Side YMCA. These cuties were 7-13 years old, living in the age of snack time and cooties. Innocence jumped off their faces when I walked into the room holding my Miss New York sash and crown. Dropped jaws, Disney princess gasps, and frozen stares greeted me, followed by 20 questions. Are you a real princess? Is the crown real? How'd you become Miss New York? Do you have any pets? Can I tell you about my pets? Can I touch your earrings? Does wearing high heels hurt? You shouldn't wear high heels because you look pretty with out them.

Well, okay then. Whatever came to their minds, they asked and said. On the first day meeting them, I didn't have time to respond to the onset of questions before hitting the stage to rehearse for the benefit concert we'd be performing in together, but that didn't stop their curiosity or affection. Even when we were onstage, I'd get a random leg-cling here or a hand-hold there. The little girls hugged me at any opportunity and the boys waved whenever I looked their direction. My scheduled rehearsal ended at 6, but how could I say no when they invited me to stay for snack time?

Thirty minutes later, at least 20 little girls had tried on the crown, and my sash had escaped unscathed by dirty fingers! A minor miracle, if you ask me. I was exhausted from answering all of their enthusiastic inquiries and listening to all of their hurried stories about their families, hobbies, and achievements, yet I walked away incredibly refreshed. Those kids showered me with adoration without constraint, believed in my goodness towards them as to share with me all of their personal thoughts, and didn't think twice about taking my compliments or shelling out their own. If I told a child, "You look so pretty in that crown," she'd either say "Thank you!" or "I know!" None of this "You're just being nice" crud that adults think they need to say to come across humble. They told me they liked me dress, shoes, hair, smile, and earrings. One little girl told me I should wear my hair pulled over one shoulder and her peer said, "Oh, you totally should listen to her. She's really good at hair." Why don't adults compliment each other that much? If you like something, say it! If you think your friends are good at something, brag about them!

When I came back a week later for the actual performance (alongside numerous Broadway veterans...so neat), the children's welcome was too precious for words. All of the little munchkins ran to give me a hug as though I was their long lost best friend. One girl had even found a picture of me online and printed it so that I could sign it! As much as lazy me wanted to go sit in the green room with the rest of the performing adults, I stayed in the kids' holding room for the majority of the time to answer more questions, take pictures, and play an awesome new kid game called "Legen...wait for it...dary." Pretty sure none of them have seen How I Met Your Mother, but I'm really glad some teacher out there was hilarious enough to make a game out of the show's legen...wait for it...dary quote. See what I did there?

Children believe in virtue. They trust completely and expect you to do the same. They express themselves without fear of looking silly, never question if what they have to say is important, and find joy in something as small as being the one who gets to stand next to the princess onstage. They listen intently to the answers they asked for, have no hesitation to hug, and volunteer to help in any capacity. I think I'd take a Cheetoh hands pandemic in exchange for all adults to adopt that kind of childlike openness.
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Since the last time I blogged...

I walked in honor of my mom to raise money for Bladder Cancer research:

I went to a CITGO conference in Connecticut with Miss CT, Miss NJ, and Miss MA:

I met the entire Miss New York class of 2013:

And I attended an AIU/AIG lunch at the National History Museum:

Plus a few other things I'm sure I'm forgetting... :)

Who are we to...

Love this album

Who are we to be emotional?
Who are we to play with hearts and throw away it all?
Oh, who are we to turn each other's heads?
Who are we to find ourselves in other people's beds?

Have you ever become obsessed with a song simply for one little part of the melody or a small string of its lyrics? Of course you have. Recently, I've been listening nonstop to "This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)" by Ellie Goulding because of my love for the opening lyrics, posted above. I didn't really know why these words struck a chord with me when I first heard them, but as I've dissected what they mean, I've come to realize my fascination with how they reflect human egotism while equally reflecting human insecurity.

Off the bat, egotism and insecurity sound like opposing characteristics...a constant battle between the two as to which will rule our thoughts and actions. On second thought, the line between egotism and insecurity is a fine one. They almost always work in tandem rather than pull us in different directions. Insecurity is often masked by egotism, while egotism drives insecurity. Everyone knows the situation when a large ego masks insecurity- that guy who laughs too loud at his own jokes (though I crack myself up, so I totally get it) or the girl who wears overly promiscuous clothing to hide self-doubt. On the other hand, we also know people who are so proud of their bodies, cars, accomplishments, or basic presence on this earth that they're terrified of losing any of the things that make them so worthy of their own awesomeness. In this case, egotism fuels the insecurity of losing that superior status.

Ellie Goulding's lyrics (yes, I checked that she actually wrote the song) throw a spotlight on the human interaction that might possibly deserve the award for "Most Insecurity and Ego Shoved into One Topic": Relationships. Careers come in a close second. Still, when it comes to attracting those of the opposite sex- or the same sex if you live in Hell's Kitchen- confusion over our worthiness is a delicate and prevalent issue. Like Ellie sings, Who are we to hold in our possession another's heart and feelings? I'm shocked at the power we hold over the people we love. Almost as shocking is the power they hold over us. What is that indescribable chemistry that sparks between people, allowing hope of connection and fear of rejection all within a three second glance? That hope and fear only increases as we grow close to another person. When we find ourselves in someone else's bed or garnering second glances, ego is fed by the knowledge that someone else noticed us or allowed us into his/her life. Insecurity rears its head as we wonder if this attention is deserved, if it will last, and if it is genuine.

This all leads to a few questions. Can egotism and insecurity grow independently of one another? Particularly in relationships, is it possible to lose any sort of insecurity? Is it possible to not abuse the egotistical power in knowing that someone else adores us unconditionally? My opinion is no, to all three questions. Insecurity is egotistical in itself, wallowing in a fear about yourself. You, you, you. What others think of you. What you think of yourself. It revolves around the number one desire in life: maintaining a happy you. I don't say this in a bad way, after all- how can we not think mostly of ourselves? We're with ourselves all the time. But even when we're selfless or strong or philanthropic, those things all lead back to being proud of ourselves. When it's all said and done, I think egocurity (you like that? My lovely new word for the inevitable mix of egotism and insecurity) is a human condition too strong to fully conquer. In regards to the questions involving egocurity and relationships, no person is perfect. I really like to believe Mr. Right exists, but even Mr. Right will inevitably take for granted a woman's devotion during an ego-driven moment. Similarly, fully trusting someone doesn't mean you'll completely stop wondering if maybe he wishes you were a few inches shorter.

I love being alive for the mere excitement of free will. With all of this random thought about four lines of a song, I am able to see more clearly what to be cautious of becoming dominant in my own personality, while recognizing that everyone wrestles with the battle- or weird magnetism- between opposing instincts. We are not alone.

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To sum up the last few weeks:

One Dress Campain photo/video shoot

Crashed my brother's mini-college reunion with friends

And finally enjoyed a springtime Sunday brunch!

Fake Celebridom

Perception is not reality...sometimes we want it to be and sometimes we're grateful it's not. Goodness knows that's how my life is at the moment. Sure, bits and pieces of how our behavior is interpreted, how fun we look in Facebook pictures, and what others personally project onto us are indeed valid, but the entirety of "you" rarely matches the "you" everyone else knows. Or thinks they know. This is beginning to sound like an episode of that old MTV show "True Life." You think you know but you have no idea. Let's run with that. "True Life: I'm Miss New York."



Seven state titleholders + Miss America fighting the wind during the Brooklyn
Bridge photo shoot...how glamorous!

NY, VA,  SC, and HI

A few weeks ago was the official "Miss America Homecoming" for Mallory in NYC, celebrating her big win and new job as Miss America 2013. Mallory, myself, and nine other state titleholders gallivanted from appearance to appearance, much of the weekend forgoing sleep and food. Children and adults alike lined up for photo ops and gawked at the rhinestones on our heads and sashes. Little did they know that all, or most, of us are twenty-somethings that don't really know what we want to do with our lives (welcome to young adulthood), can barely afford much more than cup o' noodles, and spend the majority of our time alone. Miss Virginia and Miss South Carolina spend hours upon hours driving across their states, chugging five hour energy drinks and probably talking to themselves like crazy people because they're so used to being alone in their cars (just a guess, Rosemary and Ali...). Then there's Miss New York, who spends plenty of alone time in her studio apartment, answering emails and enjoying a not-so-shameful bowl of Velveeta shells and cheese. Yes, I am incredibly grateful for the fun appearances I get to make, the successful people I get to meet, and the way I get to make kids feel super special, but the perception of my life and who I am is far more glamorous than the reality.

Mal and I are never ever awkward.

I like to call being Miss New York "fake celebridom." When you wear the sash and crown, you are escorted around as though you are Kate Middleton's American replacement. When the rhinestones come off, you're pushed and shoved on the subway just like everybody else. I chuckled to myself the night the Miss America Homecoming was over and I headed back to my apartment in Washington Heights, still wearing the gorgeous black gown, but barefoot and holding open the door into my building with my butt as I tried to drag in the ridiculous amount of bags and suitcases I had acquired during the few days away. Suitcases were tumbling over, my hair was falling out, and I had to soccer kick a few bags to the elevator. One hour earlier, I was being whisked around a fancy party, not allowed to lift a finger. Oh, the irony.

After my classy arrival back at my humble apartment with the mountain of bags at 2am, I slept for two hours before waking up in time to sing the National Anthem at the New York City Half Marathon. Needless to say, I didn't deem a shower necessary that morning. I sang for thousands upon thousands of runners, once again escorted from tent to tent. Then a few hours later, BOOM, I'm playing cards with my family in an Irish Pub, not an ounce of glamor in sight. I'm telling you, the fake celebridom is very odd.

You don't have to be Miss New York to live a life different than the way others perceive it. Heck, with social media, we're all something like mini-celebs...except we're also our own PR managers. The thing with perception is that we can't get lost in others' opinions; we must stay cognizant about reality. At the same time, we need to use the way others see us to draw inspiration for our reality. For instance, the more people who tell me that I'm a great Miss New York, the more I want to work hard to make that statement more than just hot air. Or the opposite- if someone perceives me as stuck up because of pageant stereotypes, the more relatable I'm determined to be. We can't get lost in how we are perceived because reality is, well, reality, but we should use the eyes of others to shape our worlds into something we'll be proud of when someone starts getting to know the real us.

I don't have a solution for world peace and I don't own any blouses that cost more than $25 (shout out to Target and Forever 21), but I'm doing my darndest to be more giving, patient, intellectual, and sensitive because that's what people perceive a role model Miss New York to be...simply an upstanding woman. The wam bam glam perception can't really be changed- that's just the name of the game- but if you're reading this, please know that Miss New York is wearing faded jeans and a grey sweater while writing this on a smelly bus with no leg room.

Made this meme a few weeks ago...perfect, right? I crack myself up...

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Since the last time I blogged...(in no particular order)

I went to Cabo with my best friends, plus grandma/stepdad/cousin:

 

 

Met Bloomberg at the annual fundraiser for the National Marfan Foundation:

 

 



 



Went to a few appearances upstate:

 

 

Went to a fashion show:

 



Judged a cheesecake contest to raise money for Broadway Cares:

 

Attended all of the Miss America Homecoming events:

 

PS 22 Choir!

Good Morning America

Ben Vereen!



 

Hosted a few pageants, one during which a contestant drew my face for talent:

 

Had a major balloon sword fight:

 

Had my official Miss New York crown pictures taken:





 

Sent out lots of signed photos:

 

AND LOTS, LOTS MORE :-D