A Dummy's Guide to Job Hunting

Before I begin this post, I'd like to address the title of this blog. "Shannon's NYC" may seem rather misleading considering that I am now a resident of Washington, D.C....actually that's misleading, too. I technically live in Virginia. But anyways, I'm going to come right out with it and tell you: I'm not going to change the name. Basically, this blog is a compilation of my musings and interesting happenings in my life, beginning with the chapter of my life that took place in New York City. The rest of my life will always be shaped by my time in that crazy city, so why not remind myself and readers why this blog started to begin with? We all know that life takes us in different directions, from city to city, through different relationships, jobs, and apartments. In "Shannon's NYC," NYC no longer represents that literal city, but the start of a new adventure and a new chapter in life. And I hope those never stop coming my way.

Today's topic: job hunting.

The first thing you need to prepare for when starting the job hunt is the basic understanding that you will, without a shadow of a doubt, gain 5-8 pounds during the process. Accept it, embrace it, and enjoy it. I've never met someone who does not procrastinate when applying for something: college, jobs, match.com, anything. If someone told me I have to write one paragraph on why I deserve a million dollars, after which I would then win a million dollars, I'd still take three days to actually write it. In the mean time, I'd order Indian food, take a leisurely walk to Starbucks, watch the entire first season of Orange is the New Black on Netflix (while eating a large block of sharp cheddar cheese), and clean every room in the house while listening to The Jackson 5 station on Pandora. That's just how it goes. Get your yoga pants ready because you sure as hell won't fit into anything else by the time you're employed.

Next, if you have been twiddling away your life by pursuing your impractical dream of being a big time actress, rock star, eating contest champion, Olympic jump roper, or anything else that does not take place inside of an office, you will be qualified for absolutely nothing. Every single entry level position will be taken by biddies coming right out of college who don't have a weird talent that they wanted to pursue professionally. Anything above entry level requires 2-5 years of experience. And I'm not talking about the experience you've had feeding yourself and surviving on your own for the past few years. I mean, they want you to have already had this job before, somewhere else.  Prepare for an overwhelming sense of having nothing to offer this big, bad world. You can know in your heart that you're a phenomenal writer and the fastest learner since that horse who started counting with his hooves, but communicating those traits in a cover letter and resume is nearly impossible.

How do you actually get an interview, then? From my lengthy experience in the last week (hah!), A. Pray that people in college and high school liked you enough to reply to a plea for help finding a job on Facebook and B. Write a cover letter that cannot be copied and pasted for multiple applications. Start each one from scratch and explain to the recruiters why that one, specific job is the perfect fit for you. The first time I did this was for an office manager-type-position at a company that functions similar to Google- we're talking meetings on bean bags, no dress code, and free weekly back massages. I decided to be 100% personality. My cover letter started like this:

"According to the most reliable source on the internet, Wikipedia..."

And wrapped up like this:

"If I can feed llamas without getting bitten, I’m fairly certain the world is mine for the taking."

They contacted me requesting a preliminary interview exactly 3 hours and 38 minutes after I submitted the application.

I'd love to have some wildly amazing advice for what to do after you get the initial interview (because I know my insight so far has been wildly amazing), but that's as far as I've made it in this process. I can tell you what not to do, though: don't stop applying for jobs. My brain has told me the following: Oh, you're doing great! That one company is interested so that means you get to reward yourself with a three day break from applying for anything! I'm acutely aware that this is the wrong move, but here I am, writing a blog in Starbucks, trying to avoid cabin fever while also using this as my reason to not apply for anything today. Am I employed yet? No. Thus, should I stop applying? No. Don't worry, I'll get back on the wagon. But for now, I'm going to bask in the fact that a cover letter that included my experience with llamas back in 2007 got me my first real-world interview.