New Friends

I love getting to know new friends. Everyone has such interesting stories and insights that are impossible to detect from outward appearances or surfacy conversations. Like I've said a million times on this blog, my favorite thing in the world is listening to alternative perspectives. We can research and learn as much as possible, but without someone else's perspective, we'll never catch a glimpse of the world through anyone's eyes but our own. Not to mention it's just plain fun to hear life stories and relate to someone new. Even simply laughing with a new acquaintance is refreshing since most laughter is stimulated by the ability to understand a shared situation. Humor comes from relatability, and nothing is more natural and comforting than personally relating to a fellow human being.

I've recently gathered new perspectives and shared lots of laughs with my friends from the Street King promotions. They have become regulars in my weekly life because the promos occur at least three days a week. Rayna, Kelly, and Massimo are the most prevalent new friendships, but I really like a lot of the other promoters, as well. Standing around for hours with drink samples allows ample opportunity to get to know each other, particularly since passing the time requires self-entertainment. We all get really goofy after the first hour, cracking each other up since there's nothing else to do. I'm incredibly myself with these people. Well, I don't really think being "myself" means that I have to be goofy and weird...but in this case, that's what I mean. I'm not afraid that they'll think I'm nuts because no one in the group holds back...funny voices, strange faces, and uncontrollable giggles are expected during shifts nowadays.

Only this week have we started hanging out apart from work. Last night, Rayna and I grabbed dinner, where I listened to her life story and how she ended up moving to New York at the exact same time I did. She is a very quiet person, so I was really fascinated to learn about everything she's been through. Afterwards, we visited Massimo and Kelly, who were working a Street King promotion in Union Square (Rayna and I didn't have to work that shift). They had a few hours before being dismissed, so Rayna and I walked around until we found a little bar to wait in, pending their company. An hour or so later, Jacob showed up, followed by Massimo and Kelly. When Massimo left, he was replaced by Conor, who came out at the tail end of the night. With the exception of Jacob, everyone I was with was brand new to me, which made me finally feel at home in New York. You never know who you'll meet or who you'll be spending time with in the future. Up until three weeks ago, I didn't know these people existed. Now, they're the reason I'm beginning to truly enjoy NYC.

Sidewalk Rage

Researchers claim that extremely hot weather breeds anger, but I beg to differ. When I'm extremely cold, my patience takes a major nose dive...particularly when I'm being prevented from reaching my warm, indoor destination. Manhattan is known for crowds, but this time of year is abnormally busy with the holidays drawing near. I can't walk a block without having someone in front of me stop dead in their tracks to figure out where they are, forcing me to a screeching halt with nowhere to move to the right or left. Another blood-boiler is when a group of people walk in a horizontal line across the sidewalk at a pace that would be comfortable for the most lazy of tortoises. This way, no one can get around them; their group controls the entire speed, or lack there of, of foot traffic.

If you suburbians think road rage is bad...try sidewalk rage. Sidewalk rage is far worse for multiple reasons. First of all, you can't let out your aggravation with explicit remarks and vocal outbursts like you can in the privacy of your own vehicle. Nope, unless you want to cause a scene, you have to bottle up all of that frustration. Imagine how it feels five or ten blocks into a walk. On top of the bottling problem, weather is not on your side. You can't turn on the heat to at least make yourself comfortable during a road-rage incident. Instead, freezing cold wind slaps you across the face as you're unwillingly transformed into a human bumper car...making you even more mad that these annoying tourists are delaying progress.

Brit and me promoting Street King

I guess you sign up for that kind of thing when you move to New York City, but that doesn't make it any more bearable. You sign up for hurricanes when you move to Florida, but it doesn't mean you like them. I wish I could come up with a solution (for obnoxious tourists...not hurricanes- I can't really mess with Mother Nature's choices). While promoting Street King in the 37 degree weather on a street corner this morning, I started brainstorming possible ways to avoid the crowds. What if there were trains and sidewalks designated for residents only? Nope, that wouldn't work. How would you know someone's a resident? There's too much turnover in this city to keep track of who actually lives here. Okay...what if they build underground tunnels that were only accessible to people who have more than $40 on their metro cards? That way, you know that everyone there is a seasoned NYC traveler. Eh, way too unrealistic. I'VE GOT IT: what if there were lanes, like on roads? You can't stop in the left lane. Even better: the homeless people could paint the lines! Job opportunity. BAAM. Obviously, this was my best idea.

Don't worry, my week has included more than just brainstorming ways to avoid irritating walkers. My friend from the Street King promotions, Kelly, invited me to a fundraiser for her kickball team on Tuesday night. Wednesday, I worked for the attorney and had my weekly date with Lindsay to watch "Revenge." Yesterday, I worked at Street King all day (see picture), then went out for happy hour with Jim, Jacob, Justin, and Linds for Lindsay's birthday. Today, I did Street King again (make that money!) and am getting my staple cheap Thai dinner with Rayna, Kelly's roommate and fellow Street King promoter, then possibly drinks with Conor. Finally, my social life is picking up! I have the stress of finding a new apartment and a full time job looming over my head, but I'm much happier than I've been so far in New York now that at least one area of my life is coming together...even if it's technically the least important part. Actually, I think socializing is quite important for maintaining sanity. Enjoying time with friends rejuvenates me, enabling me to be more productive and positive in nailing down other aspects of survival.

I don't have any major plans this weekend, aside from Street King events, so I'm planning on saving up all my sleep for Thanksgiving weekend! My mom and stepdad will be in town (wooo!!) and it will be Brittany's last weekend in NYC. Plenty of celebrations to look forward to! For the record, that refers to a celebration of Brit's time in New York...not a celebration of her departure...

Facebook: The Business of Business

At 23 years old, I live in a world where friendship is confirmed by the click of a button, not by dedication to personal phone calls or tangible interaction. As I was taking my daily scroll through Facebook, I saw pictures of old acquaintances, old boyfriends, old teachers, and even a few of their pets. This got me thinking. Is it really necessary to know when my ex has a new girlfriend? Or if the girl I talked to that one time during English class in high school has the same shirt as me? Or if someone's adorable new puppy isn't potty trained yet? The answer is obvious. Still, checking Facebook remains a ritualistic activity in my daily life.

So the question arises...should I get rid of Facebook? Preposterous. I wouldn't dare separate myself from the social circuit and the ability to get the juicy "ins" to people's lives without them ever knowing. I'm only half kidding...because honestly, Facebook is a great source of communication for people you want to stay in touch with, but don't have the time to call once a week. The primary issue with the social networking business is, well, just that: knowing too much of other people's business. Not that they mind. After all, people choose what they share. But that ability to control what is shared results in confusing, often false portrayals of what that person really like. One minute a lovey dovey picture of a seemingly perfect couple pops up on your newsfeed, the next, a little red heart with a crack down the middle appears and says "So-and-so is now single." How depressing. And shocking! Here I was, just yesterday, wishing I could have a relationship like theirs.

You see, that's the point: on Facebook, people can present themselves to the rest of the world in whatever way they wish. Who doesn't want everyone to think they're happy-go-lucky, witty, in a loving relationship, and up to date with fads? Heck, my ex told me he knew a girl who said she deletes a status if less than three people "like" it. That way, it looks like everything she has to say is interesting. Everything, down to what other people write on one's wall, can be manipulated. Consequently, only the shell of a person- a shell that is polished brightly nearly every day- is what we observe on Facebook. Our "friends" are to us only who they want to be. With real friends, we know their struggles, issues, strengths, pains, and weight fluctuations. With Facebook friends, we know their new haircuts, inside jokes we wish we were a part of, and the skinniest pictures they can find of themselves.

You Facebook users may be thinking, "But Shannon, you've forgotten one major group of Facebookers: the oversharers." You know what I have to say to that?

While much of what is shared on Facebook is artificial business, much of it is true. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes we're better off not knowing that our friends went on a trip without us. Sometimes we're better off not knowing that the person who said they didn't have time to text us did have time to comment on a picture. Sometimes we're better off not knowing that the guy we've started dating's ex-girlfriend was a size double zero. I'd just rather be in the dark about that one. As much as these kinds of tidbits are unnecessary stressors, us humans welcome them nonetheless. Our curiosity yearns to be fed, and through Facebook, we have the ability to do just that. I wonder if Billy, the guy I'm secretly in love with, and Jane are still dating...well, she isn't in his profile picture and he hasn't written on her wall in a while. Wait, but she liked his status yesterday, so that's a curve ball. Do we really want to become consumed with overanalyzing situations we have no control over? Or let's say "Billy" and "Jane" have pictures of themselves plastered all over their pages. Do we seriously want to have our heartbreak rubbed in our faces?

Despite the cons, I still love Facebook. I've been able to maintain contact with people I never would have time to catch up with otherwise. Sure, a quick wall post or message isn't as meaningful as a phone call, but a little "Hello, I've been thinking of you" can make my day. For example, when I competed for Miss Virginia, people came out of the woodwork to wish me luck on my wall. Knowing that so many people were excited and supportive made me swell with happiness. Facebook is also very useful for planning events, sharing important news, and even finding roommates. I'm currently looking for a new place to live in NYC come December, and most of my leads have come from someone who knows someone on Facebook.

Good or bad, social networking is a part of the new millennium. We fuel the craze, which means we can also choose the extent to which it affects our lives. What's real is real and what's not is not, but let us remember that depending on Facebook for that information is a gamble.

 

Shannon Oliver

Studied Psychology at Christopher Newport University 

Lives in New York, New York 

<3 In an open relationship with Ricky Bourke

One of those pieces of information is a joke. So how much do you really know about me if you're only my friend on Facebook? Guess you'll have to give me a call to find out!

SO New York

Sometimes the only way to describe my experiences in the City is the phrase "so New York." That pretty much defined my weekend.

Thursday night, Brittany and I went to a musical on the Upper East Side called "Give a Man a Mask." It's a brand new production, so we viewed it in the "working stage." The cast members were all Equity members (actors union), though, so their performances were still outstanding and polished. In a little underground black box theatre, the production consisted of only three men: one drag queen narrator and two gay guys who fell in love. So New York. I loved it, obviously. The actors took a rather abstract script and turned it into something relatable and thought-provoking, which was really interesting to me since they were developing original characters. Another cool note: one of the actors was the voice of Gaston in Disney's animated Beauty & the Beast! Whenever he sang, all I could think of was "No one's slick as Gaston! No one's quick as Gaston! No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston!" So much for being a focused, mature Upper East Side theatre goer.

I spent that night at Jim and Lindsay's apartment so that Brittany's friend who was visiting could take my bed. Friday morning, Linds came into their guest room to get some clothes for work (she keeps some of her stuff in there) and my first thought when I stirred was "Linds! It's like Christmas! Dad and Jean come today!" Then I passed right back out until 8:15, when I had to go to my promotion. As you can tell, I was really excited for the weekend with Dad, Jean, and Drew. My high expectations were definitely met.

Drew and me at Mars 2112

Dinner on Friday was a two part ordeal. First, Mars 2112 to show my little brother the restaurant Jim and I loved when we were his age and visited New York. There, the adults just ate appetizers and made fun of the aliens running around. So New York (in the touristy way). After our fair share of alien dance performances and the first round of martinis, we relocated to a really nice place on Restaurant Row for the delicious cuisine New York is known for. After the second half of our dinner outing, everybody went next door to Don't Tell Mama, the piano bar I sang at a few weeks ago. Jacob, Justin, and Brittany met us there for more festivities. We had a blast- Jim even got up and sang two songs with the pianist! If I was better at impromptu performances, I would've done the same, but I still have a fear of unrehearsed presentations...maybe I'll get over that one day. Around 1 or 2 a.m., we called it quits for the night in preparation for our big day on Saturday. Not to mention Dad and Jean have an 8-year-old who wakes them up at 7 a.m. whether they like it or not. I am not ready for children.

Jim, Lindsay, and I got to bed around 3 a.m. after watching the first half of Beauty & the Beast, no doubt inspired by my Gaston experience. The next morning, Linds woke me up earlier than my body would have liked so that I could get home and shower in time for lunch at noon. Brittany joined us for the pre-show meal in Times Square, then the family went on to see "Anything Goes." Sadly, Sutton Foster stopped playing Reno Sweeney a few weeks ago, so we just missed her Tony-winning performance, but her replacement was phenomenal.

The plan was to go to Jim and Lindsay's after the show for Happy Hour drinks because Dad and Jean have yet to see the place. Theoretically, we would then go to dinner in Brooklyn and call it an early night. One little problem: all trains running to Jim and Lindsay's neighborhood were under construction this weekend. The only way in and out of their area was by car. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Cabs change over shifts around 5 p.m. every night, right when we were trying to catch them in Times Square. With the swarms of people, Times Square is not the easiest place to hail a cab in the first place, much less during a transition time. To make matters worse, the few cabs that were on duty got claimed even faster since anyone needing to get to Brooklyn had to take one. After a series of unfortunate events, the gang made it to our destination over two hours later. I won't get into the details of that expedition to save my brother a heart attack if he reads this...I don't want to put him through those painfully frustrating hours a second time.

Martinis to the rescue. We were all much happier after settling into the restaurant an hour after our original reservation. Drew told knock knock jokes and led a great game of Simon Says, which I'm sure was humorous to the employees and other customers in the upscale restaurant. One host even started playing Simon Says with us. Party table!

All the siblings!

Due to the miserable trek to Brooklyn, we hadn't made it to Jim and Lindsay's apartment before dinner. So despite heavy eyes and throbbing feet, everybody headed there afterwards. No matter bad travels, exhaustion, or any other hindrance, Dad and Jean still are absolutely wonderful to be around. Chatting with them on the couch was a lovely conclusion to the weekend. Well, not exactly the conclusion to my weekend.

On their way back to Manhattan, Dad, Jean, Drew, and Susan (Jean's friend who had joined us) dropped me off in Chelsea. By this time, it was already 11:30 p.m. and I could hardly keep my eyes open, but Conor and I decided to go see the movie J. Edgar. I somehow managed to stay awake until 5:30 in the morning. I don't know what has gotten into me lately! When I walked into our room, Brittany rolled over and mumbled, "What time is it??" "Erm..uhh, 5:30." I'm going to have to revoke my self-proclaimed Grandma status if I keep this up.

From a liberal black box musical to alien tourist trap to Broadway show to Restaurant Row to an outrageously late night...I'd say I had a very New York weekend! It's the city that never sleeps...yep, I'm definitely helping that reputation.

Personal Growth

Changing is a necessary part of life. Whether purposefully or subconsciously, we are all constantly molded into different beings. The core of who we are stays consistent, but our views, social styles, and interests vary with each life experience and/or lesson along the way.

Brittany and I have talked a lot about self-growth lately, as have Lindsay and I. Both of these women teach, challenge, and encourage me almost every day here in NYC, so it's only fitting that they are most in tune with the changes they see in my character- and vice versa! Brittany started out a uniquely wonderful person, but I've never seen someone "come into their own," so to speak, as fast as she has. Since moving to New York, Brit has allowed her thoughts and moral fiber to be challenged in ways she never has before. In other words, she's no longer afraid to face her weaknesses and become stronger by conquering them. She's also no longer afraid to recognize her strengths and expand upon them. By nature, she's a rather submissive person, but refuses to let that keep her from becoming passionate about her beliefs and desires anymore. Additionally, Brit recognizes the importance of developing and maintaining relationships that are healthy and motivational, rather than easy and stagnant. I'm so proud of her and grateful to live with someone who doesn't want to be complacent in life. The way she takes everything to heart and learns about her personal nature helps me to embrace my own recent growth.

Brittany, Lindsay, Jim, and Jacob- the four people closest to me in NYC- have all shared that they've seen a change in my persona in the past three months. They've known me for years (except Brit- but we took the condensed fast-track course in friendship), so I trust that what they have to say is meaningful. The overall verdict is that I've become more calm and independent. Not that I was wacky and obnoxious prior to the move...but the pressure to achieve acceptance by others has become less significant. I've always been confident, but will be honest in that I've always struggled with comparison. One of my vices is believing I always have to unnaturally alter who I am in order to be desirable. Not in the pageant world or around my friends, but often in romantic relationships or in groups I don't know as well. I feel this need to be perfect or else I'll be replaced by something better.

Just recently, however, I've had a break through: I can never be anyone else, therefore I am irreplaceable. I can always push myself to be a better individual, of course, but I've stopped comparing myself to people I'll never be...or at least have done so less frequently. I'll never be perfect. :) Jake said that he sees a difference in the way I carry myself and interact with people, which is odd since I haven't consciously behaved any differently. Lindsay and Jim shared with me the emotional independence (in a good way) that New York instills in people, and that I'm becoming more that way. Brit said she doesn't see me negatively sizing myself up next to others as often. I don't mean to paint myself out to have been an abnormally insecure person prior to living in New York, but I'm sure it was a trait that my closest friends could pick up on. Now, their words of encouragement provide inexplicable support during a time that has been so difficult. To know that I'm growing into a stronger person, in some ways without realizing so, reassures me that all of the struggles I've faced in these first few months have been worthwhile.

Marathon Weekend

The elite men running past us at mile 7

Women are so emotional. We can't really help it. Lindsay and I both got teary-eyed when watching the ING New York City Marathon on Sunday. Getting teary-eyed watching a marathon may sound ridiculous, but the runners and the atmosphere were so inspiring that we couldn't help but be touched. I woke up at 7:30 to get to Park Slope, Brooklyn by 9 a.m., where I met Jim, Lindsay, and Macfie (a.k.a. Laura, Lindsay's friend) at the 7 mile mark of the race. We were early enough to see the handicapped participants come by, moving forward with only the strength of their arms rotating racing bikes, or I guess technically tricycles. Many of them had one or no legs, many were elderly, and all of them were absolutely inspirational. Knowing that they wouldn't let their disabilities hinder their drive to live and challenge themselves humbled me. I have found as much joy in few things as cheering for each of them as they wheeled past. Many of them had their names on their shirts, so seeing their smiles after I'd yell "Go, John! You're doing great!" became addicting. Providing that boost of energy and support felt better than opening any present on Christmas. Volunteering, service, and general encouragement create the most outstanding double sided situations. The receivers get the assistance they need, while the "givers" are rewarded with happiness, too!

The runners were just as amazing as the handicapped wave, pushing their bodies to miraculous extents. My mom ran a marathon (maybe more than one...I don't remember) when she was my age, so I couldn't help but think of her while watching. She told me she started running as a mental outlet- probably why she says that anyone who feels depressed and/or scatterbrained should just go for a run rather than take medicine- and has continued to run nearly every single day of her life. She, along with many others, have told me that the satisfaction in finishing a marathon is unmatched by almost any other accomplishment. I loved being a part of that journey for the NYC runners, helping them to move forward towards that exciting goal when they were losing steam (particularly when they were at mile 17 on the Upper East Side).

Like I just mentioned, we took the train to the Upper East Side around 1 p.m., after a yummy Sunday brunch. There we met Jacob, Justin, and Mike for afternoon football (after more marathon cheering, of course). Those guys are a riot, so the afternoon was pretty entertaining. Later that evening, I went back down the island to Chelsea for a drink with Conor. We went to a great underground bar that Mike recommended and then returned to this funny airplane-themed place we found last Thursday. I was so tired from all the late nights, early mornings, and lively activities this weekend that I literally started falling asleep while we were out...a good sign to go home. I slept like a baby that night.

Yesterday, I worked for the attorney again and did another Attack! promotion. Also, I'm planning on having my Stardust audition later this week, so perhaps I'll have steady income by the end of the year...not soon enough! Oh well, things are starting to look up- and my dad, Jean, and Drew are visiting this weekend! Now that is definitely something to look forward to.

Nights That Turn Into Mornings

What a great 48 hours! I've had some of the best consecutive days since I moved to the City. Thursday I had lunch with my new friend Ryan, then spent the afternoon cleaning and relaxing. Later that night, I went out another new friend, Conor, out in Manhattan. Conor and I had a 30 second conversation when I was promoting Four Loko at the Halloween parade after party, so we exchanged numbers upon discovering we're both new to NYC.

On Thursday, Conor and I met at a cool little dive bar (I love dive bars), but he was running a tad late because of his rugby practice. Consequently, I had to fend for myself for about 20 minutes. Waiting at a bar by myself isn't normally uncomfortable, but the only seat open happened to be directly in front of the giant serve-yourself water jug. If that wasn't awkward enough, I knocked over a stack of cups when I ordered my Captain and Diet. The bartender laughed and said, "Let's act like we've done this before..." At least they weren't glass. As I sat sipping my drink, staring at the enormous white container six inches from my face, four guys walked up to the group of girls on my left. They were obviously all together, so slowly but surely, I got completely kicked out of my stool to make more room for their group. Luckily, the one on my right had just opened, but I definitely looked like the loser girl sitting by myself in front of the water jug. I was extra happy to see Conor walk in so I could prove that I wasn't the token depressed, socially awkward girl drinking alone.

From there, he took me to a really neat old speakeasy that keeps the historic tradition of secrecy in that it has no sign and requires everyone to knock before entering. I felt pretty cool since Conor knew the doorman and we were allowed to bypass the line. Inside was small and swanky with it's dark lighting, couches, and curtain-enclosed booths. We had a great time chatting on our fancy loveseat in the main room for a couple of hours, enjoying the cozy ambiance and special service. He just moved here from Ireland and has had some fascinating experiences, like backpacking around Southeast Asia for six weeks, so the conversation made time fly. Not to mention he has an awesome Irish accent, so I could talk to him forever.

Brittany and I after the audition

I made it home by 5 a.m. (insane, I know) after stopping at one more place following the speakeasy. After a few hours of sleep, Brittany and I headed to our audition for a "Bound for Broadway" showcase. I sang "If I Were A Bell" from Guys & Dolls, not expecting to be booked at all, much less on the spot. Right after I sang, the director slapped the table and said "Girl, you're fierce. You want to do the show?" Talk about a confidence boost. I mean, he had an over-the-top, fantastic personality and complimented everyone, so I'm sure it's just in his personality to exaggerate. None-the-less, I was really excited and can't wait to sing two songs in a one-night cabaret come December! Even better, Brittany was also booked for a cabaret in just three weeks! These showcases are great opportunities for exposure; the director invites agents, casting directors, and other important people to impress in the industry.

We celebrated by splurging at a bookstore that Ryan told me about, called Strand. I bought a copy of The Hunger Games, which came highly recommended by some of my Pearlfriends. The store itself was really awesome, bragging an inventory of books that could span 18 miles, so just wandering around was fun. My exhaustion set in after 30 minutes of browsing the stacks, though, so we headed home to relax before going out with Jim and Lindsay that night.

Brittany, Lindsay, and me on the train!

Brittany, Lindsay, Laura (Lindsay's friend from college) and I spent a few hours at Jim and Lindsay's apartment, then met Jim and Jacob in the City. We bounced around to three different spots before getting settled at a place called "Jekyll and Hyde," where a fake electric chair became the source of entertainment. Conor joined us and was immediately forced to sit in the chair upon arrival. Poor guy...already getting hazed by my brother and friends. Around 2 a.m., everyone headed home except Conor and myself. We took the train back to the place we first met, Webster Hall, to catch the end of a dubstep band called Nero. His cousin manages the venue, which is one of the oldest nightclubs in New York and has been designated a New York City landmark. Needless to say, it's a pretty popular spot. Again, thanks to Conor's connections, we evaded the line and didn't have to pay for anything- even drinks! Nice. The concert was a really fun experience since I've never been to an electronic show before and didn't know what to expect. You can't even think during a show like that because the ground shakes from vibrations, lights flash everywhere, and everyone is packed together while decked out in glow sticks. I'm a new fan.

This morning, I got home at 6 a.m. I never stay out that late. What is going on? I thought you needed to be on some kind of drug to have that much energy (like I've said, I'm such a grandma), but both nights were a blast and totally worth the sleep deprivation. For the second night (morning...) in a row, I slept for only a few short hours before starting my day. Today, I journeyed to a film studio near Times Square to watch my brother hold auditions for his short film. He just started film school on top of his day job managing comedians, so he is casting his first project. I don't know how he does it all. I laughed for an hour straight since Jim's script is hilarious, and was also reminded of how much I love acting! Singing is my focus, but observing the interpretations of the characters made me miss that aspect of performing.

This evening, I got through the first half of the Alabama vs. LSU football game before crashing. Jim, Laura, and Linds didn't want me to leave, but if they expect me to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to watch the New York City marathon- I need sleep! On that note, goodnight.