Personal Growth

Changing is a necessary part of life. Whether purposefully or subconsciously, we are all constantly molded into different beings. The core of who we are stays consistent, but our views, social styles, and interests vary with each life experience and/or lesson along the way.

Brittany and I have talked a lot about self-growth lately, as have Lindsay and I. Both of these women teach, challenge, and encourage me almost every day here in NYC, so it's only fitting that they are most in tune with the changes they see in my character- and vice versa! Brittany started out a uniquely wonderful person, but I've never seen someone "come into their own," so to speak, as fast as she has. Since moving to New York, Brit has allowed her thoughts and moral fiber to be challenged in ways she never has before. In other words, she's no longer afraid to face her weaknesses and become stronger by conquering them. She's also no longer afraid to recognize her strengths and expand upon them. By nature, she's a rather submissive person, but refuses to let that keep her from becoming passionate about her beliefs and desires anymore. Additionally, Brit recognizes the importance of developing and maintaining relationships that are healthy and motivational, rather than easy and stagnant. I'm so proud of her and grateful to live with someone who doesn't want to be complacent in life. The way she takes everything to heart and learns about her personal nature helps me to embrace my own recent growth.

Brittany, Lindsay, Jim, and Jacob- the four people closest to me in NYC- have all shared that they've seen a change in my persona in the past three months. They've known me for years (except Brit- but we took the condensed fast-track course in friendship), so I trust that what they have to say is meaningful. The overall verdict is that I've become more calm and independent. Not that I was wacky and obnoxious prior to the move...but the pressure to achieve acceptance by others has become less significant. I've always been confident, but will be honest in that I've always struggled with comparison. One of my vices is believing I always have to unnaturally alter who I am in order to be desirable. Not in the pageant world or around my friends, but often in romantic relationships or in groups I don't know as well. I feel this need to be perfect or else I'll be replaced by something better.

Just recently, however, I've had a break through: I can never be anyone else, therefore I am irreplaceable. I can always push myself to be a better individual, of course, but I've stopped comparing myself to people I'll never be...or at least have done so less frequently. I'll never be perfect. :) Jake said that he sees a difference in the way I carry myself and interact with people, which is odd since I haven't consciously behaved any differently. Lindsay and Jim shared with me the emotional independence (in a good way) that New York instills in people, and that I'm becoming more that way. Brit said she doesn't see me negatively sizing myself up next to others as often. I don't mean to paint myself out to have been an abnormally insecure person prior to living in New York, but I'm sure it was a trait that my closest friends could pick up on. Now, their words of encouragement provide inexplicable support during a time that has been so difficult. To know that I'm growing into a stronger person, in some ways without realizing so, reassures me that all of the struggles I've faced in these first few months have been worthwhile.