Life Goes On

Life goes on. We say that a lot without thinking, but there's a reason why the phrase is so popular. No matter the struggle, be it coping with a tragic death or running late for a meeting, life goes on. In the most devastating of circumstances, life may never be the same- but it will go on. One of the most common struggles in life is the dreaded break up. Most of us have experienced at least one heart-wrenching split and are still alive to speak of it. Hearing "life goes on" during that distressing recovery period is the most frustrating thing in the world. But is it true? You bet.

I've had my fair share of break ups. No, that's an understatement. I've definitely had more than what I'd consider fair. I remember once saying to an older mentor, "This is not the kind of thing that ever gets easier." She assured me that it does. I didn't believe her at the time, but looking back, I've realized the wisdom in her words. Enduring failed relationship after failed relationship, most of them short stints that are hardly worthy of the term "relationship," has taught me the art of a quick(er) recovery. Break ups never feel good, but they are much more bearable once you grasp the concept that life really does go on. You really will find someone else. Someone better. Every guy I've dated has plenty of great qualities and I wish them the best in life, but each one has been better than the last- or at least taught me something new.

Now, I'm not claiming to be the master of post-break up emotional stability. I most certainly have my moments of frustration and despair. What I have conquered is shutting up that little voice in my head that says "You'll never find anyone else." Perhaps my ability to kick that thought to the curb is because I've never been in love- at least not in my mature adult years (if I'm even a mature adult). I think I loved my first boyfriend, but much of our relationship was founded on needing each other for that period of our lives rather than the fact that we complimented each other's characters. Hence why I hesitate saying we were "in love" rather than just two people who loved each other. Since then, I've only experienced infatuation. Still, I am thankful that each relationship- major or minor- has strengthened my sense of what I want from my ultimate relationship. I now know how I never want to behave again, how I don't want to be treated, how I do want to be treated, what I'm willing to compromise, and the things I need to stick up for. Not only does life go on after a break up, but you have so much more to look forward to. All of the things you learned can be applied to the next exciting relationship to make it even better than the last. After all, there's a reason it didn't work out other than the fact that your ex was "just a jerk."

Deeply caring for a significant other and mourning that loss is nothing to be ashamed of. We are made to desire companionship. When we lose that companionship, two choices remain: wallow in despair or try to feel better. Of course we think that everyone wants to feel better, but I know in the past I've not wanted to feel better because that means "it's really over." Letting go is not my forte. This is why I respect anyone who forces themselves to feel better after a break up. Some people make themselves busy (like I've learned to do), others find a hobby, while many surround themselves with uplifting quotes and social support. Perhaps all three.

Someone signing the poster on the subway

I met a girl at a promotion last week who was dumped by a guy she'd been dating for nine years-NINE YEARS- just one week before the promotion. They share an apartment in Manhattan, so she has to see him every day as she searches for a new place to live. I do not know how she was able to function at work, but she was taking her happiness into her own hands by getting out of the house and meeting new people. In a more extreme journey to recovery, a young man walked onto the train today wearing a poster over his shoulders like an advertisement, holding two sharpies. He told people on the train that "the love of his life" broke up with him last night and he'd appreciate any encouraging quotes or stories to get him through this difficult time. I was amazed at all of the people who jumped on the chance to write on his poster. Surprisingly, most were men. No one wrote anything mean to make fun of him, rather related with words of comfort.

I don't tend to air my dirty laundry, so that second strategy of healing made me feel a little awkward, but hey- to each his own. Reminding ourselves that life goes on is crucial to our happiness. Dwelling on the past won't change a thing, so we must focus on the possibility of an unimaginably bright future in a world that will keep on turning whether we like it or not.