Respect

Aretha knows what I'm talking about...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me...

"Respect" is thrown around a lot. Respect your elders. Respect yourself. Everybody deserves respect. Demand respect. Okay, that's great and all, but what is respect? Well, according to dictionary.com, "respect," used as a verb, means four very different things. 1. "To hold in esteem or honor," 2. "To show regard or consideration for," 3. "To refrain from intruding upon or interfering with," and 4. "To relate or have reference to." Notice how the definitions become more and more vague? How interesting. Part of me wants to tackle the meanings behind all four of these interpretations, but instead I'm going to focus on the one that probably affects us the most: To show regard or consideration for.

All of us want to be treated well. We want to be shown consideration when we're trying to get off a crowded subway or voicing our opinion in a meeting. We want to hold some sort of value to people around us so that we're regarded with kind, or at least polite, behavior. Solidifying these desires, the media constantly bombards us with the importance of respecting ourselves and demanding others do the same. Take away the word "respect" and this means "showing regard or consideration for ourselves and demanding others do the same." All and all, this idea is not a bad thing. The danger is when expecting respect outweighs our tendency to give respect.

I'm not one of those people who thinks that this generation is composed of terrible, selfish human beings. I do think that as a whole, however, we've become less and less concerned with respecting one another. Just look at Black Friday shoppers. They literally trample people to get to a flat screen T.V.! Absolutely no consideration is given to others in a world where blinders are up and everyone is solely focused on what they want. You want a flat screen T.V.? Don't worry about the person you're stepping on. You want to text your friend? Don't worry about the teacher who stayed up all night planning a lecture. You want to be wild and single? Don't worry about the girl you said you'd call. We live in a do-what-YOU-want world. I think the concept started out as a positive idea to make the most of the one life we have to live, but has spiraled into an exaggerated, egocentric way of thinking that is accepted under the cloak of "making ourselves happy." Although personal happiness is important, we still have to remember that respecting others is just as imperative as respecting ourselves.

The moments that are hardest to give respect are the times that count the most. I recently started dating someone who seemed really great and very respectful. He gave me his jacket, texted me if he was running late, was a great listener, and walked me to the train. All of those gestures were nice, but the ending is what I'll remember. I could tell something was off the last time we got together since he referred a lot to his ex-girlfriend and seemed more distant. When we parted ways, he said "I'll give you a shout tomorrow about grabbing drinks." The next night, while I was out with friends, I texted "Is everything okay?" because I had not heard from him. And I still haven't. I have not said a word since that text, but knowing that he has no intentions of ever speaking to me again makes me feel seriously disrespected. Doing all of the simple, courteous things is admirable, but respecting someone when it's difficult is the true test of decency. As hard as it was to hear "I don't want a relationship" from past men I've casually dated, I am grateful for their honesty in a situation that I'm sure was not easy for them either. I've discovered that respect is more than "showing regard or consideration," it's showing regard or consideration when you don't feel like it.

My little tag on the end of dictionary.com's definition can be applied to many situations outside of the romantic arena. Respect isn't doing the dishes when you have the whole day off, it's doing the dishes when you don't feel like it so that your roommate is not inconvenienced. Respect isn't offering your seat when you have plenty of energy, it's offering your seat when you don't feel like it after a long day at the office. Respect isn't talking to your mother nicely, it's talking to your mother nicely when you don't feel like it because you don't like her opinion.

Respecting ourselves is crucial, but that's the easy part. Respecting others is much harder because it doesn't always benefit us. Sometimes, we have to shut out popular culture's "live only for yourself" slogans and remember that showing consideration for our fellow humans is a much greater demonstration of noble character.