Pointers for the Picky

Aside from gold diggers and those who are painfully desperate to find a spouse, everyone is picky about who they date. Everyone. Hence why I hate when someone says, "I can't find anyone because I'm too picky." First of all, stop hinting that people who have found someone have lower standards. Second, maybe you're just looking in the wrong places. Or picky about the wrong things.

Now, I'm obviously not in a relationship or an expert on such matters, but I've recently had a few friends ask me how I "get dates." I don't go on that many, but the formula is simple: 1. Give someone your number, 2. Say "yes" when they ask you out, 3. Show up (or be home when they pick you up). When I shared this mind-blowing insight with one of my best friends today, she said, "I'm just too picky." Well excuuuuuuse me, missy. Who's the one asking why she doesn't go on dates? Cough[you]cough. And who's the one who just went out with an awesome guy attending Columbia? This girl. Being picky doesn't mean you refuse to give your number to someone who doesn't match all of your carefully thought-out criteria. It means you get to know them and then decide if their bad taste in music or poor fashion sense outweigh their company.

If your "pickiness" has to do with their employment status or moral and ethical values, perhaps you want to remember that good ol' real estate mantra: Location, location, location. Okay, so maybe that analogy isn't perfect, but you're not going to get your ideal oceanfront property if you're looking in rural South Dakota. If you want a guy with a booming career, try Happy Hour on Wall Street. If you want an artsy guy, try joining a bike club Williamsburg, Brooklyn. If you want a guy with strong morals, try church. You can't expect to meet a responsible nine to five-type guy at a bar on a Tuesday night. You also can't expect to meet a new guy by staying glued to your circle of friends. You already know that Mr. Right isn't among them, so you must branch out to find new candidates. Leave the group to go grab a drink at the bar and compliment a new guy's shirt...boom, you have now opened the door for conversation.

Even if you're not part of the bar scene, there are plenty of (better) ways to meet a future-date. Like I mentioned, join a bike club- a kickball club- any club! New activity= new people= new prospects. Go to a charity concert. Go to your friend's show. Go to the grocery store. Go anywhere and talk to anyone. Talk to the guy next to you in line at Starbucks. You'll be with him for 20 minutes anyway. Talk to your friend's friends after her performance. Talk to the guy who looks bored at a birthday party. Talk to whoever looks like they've showered recently. Just talk. Crack a joke. What's the worst that could happen? You have a nice conversation. You make a friend.

True, both in the dating world & once you're in a relationship

When we start thinking that dates are a big deal, they become a big deal- thus, we rarely offer our numbers and create the opportunity. "Oh, I don't want to go on a date with someone who I met while working at a promotion. I want a guy with a college education and he obviously doesn't have a real job." Do you know what happened last time I went out with someone who was "security" at a Halloween party promotion? He ended up being a very bright guy with an architecture internship who needed some extra cash. Now, clearly, it didn't work out, but the point is- stop thinking of dates as a means to marriage and just give people a chance. Say, "Hey, take my number. We should hang out sometime," then leave the rest to him. Go out with the mindset that you're getting to know a new friend. If sparks fly, awesome. If not, maybe he has some single friends.