A Career Centered City

Home again, home again. Almost.  I’m currently sitting on the $25 bus home to Virginia Beach, just having watched a gangster/cop movie that made my heart rate go a lot faster than I’d anticipated for this relaxing six hour ride. I really had no choice but to watch it, though, since it was too loud to ignore. Being me, I was mostly intrigued by the gangster/cop relationship and hoped that they would become friends in the end. They didn’t. But at least they didn’t kill each other! I guess it was one of those unspoken gestures of mutual respect…

I’m heading home this weekend to “pass on the crown” of Miss Greater Hampton Roads. Officially concluding my involvement as a participant in the Miss Virginia Organization is an odd feeling. I’ve dreamt about being Miss Virginia since middle school, so putting a cap on that dream without it ever coming to fruition is a little sad. On a positive note, however, I learned a ton in the past few years about what the Miss America Organization can offer other than a full time job and a crown. I’ll never be Miss Virginia, but my time competing was invaluable. I look forward to expressing in my farewell speech what Miss Virginia has come to mean to me other than a title and an amazing opportunity. Hopefully I’ll encourage younger girls and current contestants to see the benefits of competing that far outweigh wearing a crown.

As much as I’m looking forward to spending time in Virginia Beach, part of me is dreading it because I know I won’t want to leave. New York has become easier, of course, but with nowhere to live in two weeks and the general sense of “what am I doing with my life,” moving somewhere more affordable and practical sounds very appealing. I told myself- and others- that I would stick New York out for a year unless a performance opportunity opens elsewhere (i.e. cruise ship, tour, etc.), and I plan on sticking to that. Still, I can’t help but wonder where I’ll end up. New York is a city full of very selfish and driven people. Professionally, it’s great. Personally, eh, not as much.  I can see why certain people thrive there- people who are very career-oriented and know what they want. Problem is, I’ve never been that type. I have no qualms with putting my friendships and relationships before my career (whatever that career may be). A lot of people look down on that mindset as if I have no ambition and depend on others for my happiness, but those opinions have stopped bothering me. I know who I am and will not apologize for being unwilling to claim that “I have to be a singer to be fulfilled” or “I want to focus on myself before I settle down.”  I will never be a mindless slob and not make a living for myself, but work will never be the means to my self-fulfillment. I love people. I love to love people. I love when people love me (that's a given). 

Something I found at the Christmas market...

Obviously, I picked myself up and moved to New York…I’m not just sitting around waiting to fall in love and live happily ever after. I’m definitely striving for my goals and doing so with gusto. I still can’t believe I put my life in two suitcases and hauled myself up to the Big Apple in a Chinatown bus. None-the-less, I’ve yet to be impressed by the personal lives of most of the “successful” people I meet in New York- at least the younger ones. The people I relate with seem to be the ones living paycheck to paycheck in modest apartments in Brooklyn…probably because that’s what I’m doing, too. Those who are making six figures in their mid-twenties are not bad people, but they seem to be plagued by a lack of internal awareness. None of them (generalization) want to talk about anything other than work or light jibber jabber. A friend of mine who is a well-to-do New Yorker even admitted that he feels refreshed when hanging out with those of us who don’t make as much money because there’s no need for a facade. The hoit-toity young professional world pulls people in, exhausting them with socializing for the sake of networking. 

Now, I don’t mean to devalue the importance of working hard, nor the accomplishments of those who are successful at an early age. That kind of work ethic is crucial in this generation. I’m just not one of those people who is willing to put my work life before anything else. I’d rather join the Peace Corps (which I’m applying for, by the way). So, where am I going with all this? Great question. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all pick and choose our priorities in life. Mine just happen to be different than many New Yorkers’. This world needs different kinds of people. We need entrepreneurs, driven ivy-league grads, and eager youngsters climbing the corporate ladder. But it’s okay if we’re not all like that. No one should take advantage of government funding or sit on his/her butt all day, but if you’re like me, relationships will always be more important. There’s no shame in that.

I plan on working hard to survive for a year in New York, perhaps longer if I find my niche. Not taking the easy route is important to me. Yes, Virginia Beach will be hard to leave, but it’d be harder to live with knowing I never pushed myself to carve out a more exciting path. And I know that there are plenty of people just like me in the City. I think this post just reveals that I need to come to terms with two opponents inside of me: the practical one that wishes I was a more “successful” young professional and the realistic one that knows I’ll never be 100% focused on my career.