Time

Time goes by so fast. Tonight Jim showed me some old videos he found of us singing in high school. One was when we performed the National Anthem with a quartet we formed with our high school best friends, Kira and Chris; another of a Christmas concert with the prestigious octet called "Falcon Jazz." We doubled over as we remembered our favorite chorus teacher's staple sparkle jacket worn at every concert, our friend Andrea's use of the tambourine during "Sleigh Ride," and all of the normalcy of that time that we now find so precious and hilarious. He discovered these goldmines when watching home videos with my parents in Virginia Beach this past weekend while visiting for wedding business. He described to me videos of the two of us singing songs to our Dad who was gone for six month deployments, butt naked every single time, when he was three and I was only one year old. Of me pouring coffee cups filled with building blocks onto his head. Of performing Lion King songs on the beach for my mom's friends when we were four and six (naked, per usual...maybe too old? Whatever. We loved the nude.)

He saw treasured memories of not just us, but of my mom in her lace-engulfed 80s wedding dress and Farrah Fawcett hair...seriously, my mom was so hot (still is, actually). She was this little marathon-running gorgeous blondie from Southern Cali. Wait, almost nothing's changed. Now she's just a little half marathon-running gorgeous blondie from Va Beach. Then of my dad at the age of 29 in his sweater vest, playing golf with his friends. Jim said Dad talked just like he does now.."Well, here we are folks. Just enjoying a beautiful day on the 201st anniversary of this renowned golf course. Going to hit a couple balls, have a nice day here..." Gosh I love my Dad's video cam voice. I was lucky enough to hear it recently when he gave us a video tour of the suite he, Jean, and Drew stayed in on their Sponge Bob Square Pants Nickelodeon cruise during the weekend of Hurricane Irene. It's funny how your Dad's video camera voice can become such a symbol of happiness as you grow up.

Knowing my Dad talked the exact same when he was 29, or hearing from Lindsay that my mom said "I thought that was the prettiest dress I'd ever seen" when she watched herself in the wedding dress, reminds me that life passes faster than we can imagine. Every day we hear "life is short," but how often do we actually step back and mull that over? I've lived in New York for a month. A whole month. College seems like decades ago. High school seems like centuries ago. I get wistful as I recollect the people I was once close to, the activities that used to be routine, and the moments I'll never get back. I also get nervous that I won't make the most of the next 60 or 70 years...that's if I'm lucky enough to live out a full life. This isn't meant to be depressing, rather a contemplative thought as to why I'm chasing my dreams. Not just my dream to be on Broadway, but my dream to fall in love, my dream to have friends who consider me siblings (and vice versa), and my dream to remain close to my family. With the day to day bustle, we have to remember that time to pursue these dreams is limited.

My Dad is in his fifties now, but that day on the golf course was a short 25 years ago, as made obvious by how hardly anything has changed in his demeanor...besides a little more salt in his black hair ;) In 25 years, he'll be the same man at the age of 80 with grandkids (talking about Jim and Linds here...) and white hair, just like Pop Pop had. Ten years ago, I was in 8th grade Earth Science class during the 9/11 attacks. Now I'm living a walk away from where that historical, tragic event took place. In ten years from now, I'll be 33. Who knows what will happen between now and then, but I know that I don't want to waste a single day not striving for my dreams- be it making a phone call, attending an audition, or opening my heart to a stranger. A famous quote says "Regrets are mistakes you don't learn from." Mistakes are inevitable, but I'm determined to have no regrets.

Imagine this face singing to Daddy via camera when he was deployed...I may have looked like I stuck my finger in a light socket, but that's still a pretty cute thought.