9/11: Ten Years

The two beams of light where the towers once stood

As I look through my bedroom window at the ghost beams of light representing the World Trade Centers, I wonder what I would have seen on the morning of September 11, 2001. I generally leave for work between 9-9:30am, so the scene would have unfolded before my eyes, only a few miles in the distance. Not often do I deeply reflect on the events of that day, mostly for selfish reasons. I don't want to think of the fear, the pain, and the devastation of people involved. Tonight I am forcing myself to watch coverage and listen to testimonies of survivors and family members. The hardest part for me is not imagining what the victims experienced, for I can't even begin to comprehend what they went through. Rather, the hardest part is hearing the stories of those who lost their wives, husbands, fiances, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, fathers, siblings, children, friends, and roommates. I was lucky enough to not directly know someone who lost his/her life in the attacks, but I can hear and see the devastation in the recollections of those who did. Even now, I find it difficult to write because the heartbreak for the families and friends of victims is weighing me down.

George and me

George, who I dated for over a year and is now a good friend of mine, works for Marsh & McLennan Insurance Company, which had offices on the 93rd-100th floors of the North Tower. Over 200 employees from that company were killed on 9/11. They were among the floors where a majority of the "jumpers" fell to their deaths. My thoughts are with his company this week as they head to work, haunted by the loss from ten years ago. I keep thinking, what if George had been there? There are plenty of women who are now 33 who lost 23 year old ex-boyfriends and close friends inside of that building. Intelligent young professionals like George, thrilled to have a steady job after finishing undergrad. I know it's morbid and unnecessary to think "what if," but thousands and thousands of people don't get to think "what if." It is a reality they live with every day. The least I can do is allow myself to step into their shoes for a few painful, imaginative moments to unify my heart with them, my fellow Americans.

I don't want this entire post to be about the terrorist attacks that took place in the city I now call home. The United States has moved forward in a beautiful, bittersweet, and commendable way. One of the most enlightening memories I have in my life was seeing American flags on every door in Virginia Beach as I stared out the window of my school bus. I knew in those days following September 11th that I lived in a very special country. Strangers acknowledged each other in a way I had never seen before and may never see again. We will never forget the events that changed our way of life and hearts for the rest of time, but we can be proud of how our country continues to function with dignity, freedom, and love among its millions of inhabitants.

On that note, Friday night I joined Jim and Lindsay for an outing with Jacob and his friends from high school. We went to a bar/club called "Pianos" on the Lower East Side. For the first time since I've been here, I got truly homesick. An hour or so after arriving, all I wanted was to put on flip flops, a tank top, and shorts and sit on a stool in CP Shuckers at the Virginia Beach Oceantfront. The lights were too dark, the music was too loud, and everyone was dressed up and dancing. In theory, it was a "fun" scene. But after four weeks of fast pace, whirlwind excursions and tiring new experiences, anxiety slapped me straight across the face. I don't belong here. I am not a schmoozer. I am not the life of the party. I like to wear bright colors sometimes, not always black. Heels hurt. I miss my car. All of these thoughts overwhelmed my mind and I needed to get out. I texted Tess, the best friend a girl could asked for, who came to Pianos, grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go." Just seeing her familiar face calmed me down. Having grown up together in Virginia Beach since we were seven or eight years old enables her to understand me more than almost anyone. She knew I didn't regret moving to NY at that moment, but that I'm not always the best at handling certain crowds and can get overwhelmed/emotional easier than most would suspect. I was so grateful to be with someone who didn't see me as feeble for needing to leave. Never did the thought "I wish I hadn't moved here" cross my mind. Instead, I was accepting that the transition isn't easy and finally letting the wall of fear break down a bit. With the support of those who love me, I know I am strong enough to overcome the obstacles that I face here. That moment of weakness was almost refreshing in that it allowed me to be honest with myself, then pull my head back up and continue embracing this new life I've chosen.

Thompson and me after lunch

The following day was far more calming and a much-needed reminder of the normalcy New York can offer. Lauren, who is subletting her room to Brit and me, stopped by for a few hours during a layover on her way to London. We talked about our fabulous summer at Busch Gardens, where she was a dancer/singer the same season I worked there, and enjoyed basking in the comfort of a grounded friendship. After an hour or two of girl talk at the apartment, we ventured into the City to meet some of her friends. The real life "Hitch" is actually her closest guy friend. For those of you who didn't see that movie, Hitch was the most sought after dating coach in NYC. Well, his name is Thompson Plyler in real life. Ranked as the #1 dating coach in the city, his clients come to him to learn how to make women feel comfortable and special. Naturally, Thompson was a real joy to be around with his witty comments and constant flow of compliments. Although I couldn't help but be cynical when he made me laugh, wondering if I was falling for a "step." Pleasantly, I came to find that he is just a genuinely great guy helping to bring out the best in other men. I really hope to hang out with him in the future, as he is one of the first people I've met here who seems to get my sense of humor and didn't care that I was dressed like I just took a time machine from the ninth grade and ended up in a sushi restaurant on the Upper West Side. Lauren even caught the hilarious photo above of Thompson charming his way past my skepticism...I had no clue she was taking it.

With Lauren during her six hour, too-short visit

After a wonderful day with Lauren, I met Tess and her roommate for dinner at my favorite, oober-cheap Thai restaurant. Chrissy, her roommate, kept us laughing the entire time, making voices and saying inappropriate words just because she could. She just got back from FIVE WEEKS paid vaca. FIVE. She went to Florida and spent time with her family, and with the sun, making her tan and ready to have a good time with friends after being parentally- engrossed for such a long time. After stuffing face, we went to her friend's apartment for a Nintendo video-release party...talk about nerd world. But not in a bad way. Everyone was just really smart and very bro-fest oriented. I chatted with a guy who just started law school at NYU for a while, but ended up being too tired to make a night of it, so I left after two glasses of water and a little bit of hummus.

Tess and me before dinner

Tomorrow begins another week of work! Time is really flying. I'm looking forward to Thursday, though, when my Miss VA roommate, Maggie, arrives! Then Friday, Claire and Linds (see D.C. weekend blog post) are finally making their postponed visit originally scheduled for the weekend of Hurricane Irene!