Bad Shoes, Deep Thoughts

OUUUCCHHHH! My feet hurt so bad. I got the worst blisters in the entire world today. Note to self: Jellies (for you boys reading these, they're bendy plastic shoes) are not conducive to walking around the City. These blisters weren't small dime-size developments. Rather, they were..are...the size of a dollar coin (which I have four of in my purse..thanks a lot military boys who left them as a tip when I was a waitress) on each heel. Not only did they develop as I was walking, they then popped and left me with the joy of raw skin rubbing against slippery plastic. This wonderful experience reached its peak while I was running to the post office for my boss, so I ended up asking the mail guy if he had any Band-Aides for my walk back. Pretty sure he found me super amusing after he rummaged through his personal drawer and found two mondo Band-Aides and I exclaimed "YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE!!" He laughed and said he was happy to assist. New friend? Possibly. Thank goodness my boss has big feet like me and lent me flip flops for my journey home! They're actually super cute. I think we may have to share shoes more often :-P

The subway rides were a welcome means of transportation in light of my foot predicament. Today I even got to sit next to two attractive men in suits! Of course, they were cancelled out by the talkative man who travels around the country as an accountant for comic book conventions. Fifteen minutes of hearing about the cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (minus the famous people) signing autographs, the pains of working 80 hour weeks, and his best friend's little sister's brother-in-law's old English teacher's favorite student's cousin who used to like to do musicals. Wow! So much in common! Ugh, why can't the men in suits talk to me? Oh, 'cause they're not socially awkward. That's right. They're either listening to their ipods or reading the newspaper. FML.

It's funny because although I have relatively free evenings, I can't bring myself to do much more than watch the last season of The Bachelorette on Hulu. Even when I worked at Busch Gardens full time in 2009, I never felt as drained as I do from this office job. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my days in Lynn's (my boss) at-home office in her giant, breathtaking apartment that only the elite in NY can afford. It's kind of fun to be introduced as "the new Courtney" to all of the bellmen and delivery guys and neighbors, not to mention Lynn is an absolute hoot and we work surprisingly well together. That being said, office work is a lot more mind-numbing than singing in front of thousands of people. I guess that's why one is a job and one is my potential career.

Sitting in my room during the evenings gives me a lot of time to think. I miss everyone, for sure, but I have a strong sense that I am where I'm supposed to be. A lot of things are put into perspective when you separate yourself from a repetitive environment. Certain friendships become even more clearly important, others can be seen for what they were- a product of convenience or emotion or momentary commonality. Evaluating the weight of past romantic relationships is also inevitable as you discover their overall impact on who you are now. My most recent relationship was with someone who remains my standard as to how I want the chemistry to be with anyone new, and the relationship before that will always be important in how it taught me the necessity of being courted. My long relationship that ended in December has proven to be a friendship that has outlasted anyone's wildest dreams; he has managed to become a positive involvement in my life on a weekly basis. In a negative sense, I gave another guy I dated the benefit of the doubt and have since understood that not all people are good. They will use you for momentary comfort and throw you to the wolves. The clarity I've gained in one week is revitalizing. I miss the familiarity and history of those relationships and friendships, but I'm ready to start fresh and hold on only to the people who were truly positive influences on my life. I don't say that in a way that makes me bitter towards those I need to move on from, rather in a way that understands friendships/relationships are not always what they seem at the time.

Looking at the thousands of lights streaming through windows in all of the skyscrapers (the picture is exactly what I see when I look to my right as I type), I realize that I am just one of those little yellow boxes in the side of a building. I don't know who is sitting inside each other little yellow box, who they're with, what they're going through, where they came from, or why they live in this crazy place. Isn't it mind-boggling to think of all the people in this world? All we really know is what we, as individuals, experience every moment. That's why friendships and relationships are so beautiful- they allow two beings to catch a glimpse of what it means to be someone other than "me." No matter how close we are to someone, though, we'll never know the world through any eyes but our own. I think this is where I find the excitement in building relationships with people. There's always a new way to think, a lesson to learn, a surprise to behold. Those who I've had the pleasure (or not) to build relationships with in my past are invaluble gurus in the journey of my life. I can't wait to find out who will find their way into my future.

Oh, and for the record, there are a LOT more relationships I'm holding onto than letting go of, so don't think you're someone I don't want to keep in my life if I haven't called you and you're reading this! I just get bad cell reception in my room so I can only call people on my walks to/from work. Guaranteed: the one or two people who I realize don't have my best interests in mind probably aren't the ones reading this, anyway!