The End of a Chapter

Man, moving can be stressful. Everyone says that, but I guess it's hard to understand until you go through it. I've been running around trying to change banks, figure out lease agreements, prepare for my new job, etc. On top of it all, I'm trying to figure out things specific to NY...like where do you buy groceries? Apparently they deliver them? Weird. How will I maneuver the ridiculously complex metro system? Not to mention I still have to sell my car (seemingly impossible), pack everything I own in two suitcases, buy my bus ticket, and do a million other things that I haven't even thought of yet. I know everything will be okay, but it's all a little overwhelming. On a positive note, I've been looking at my budget and I will absolutely lose the weight I've gained since Miss Virginia since I will be able to spend about $0.94 on food a day. Yay.

The best and the worst part about moving are the shifts in who I regularly interact with. I am thrilled to know that I will see my brother and Lindsay (his fiance), my best friend Tess (my longest time best friend- third grade- who lives in Brooklyn), my new partner in crime Brittany, and other fun people all the time. However, thinking about not seeing my mom, my little brother, my dad and Jean, Krystal and Jen, Kenon, Ashley, Amanda, Wes, Kristina, the Baulch fam, and the rest of my friends in Virginia Beach whenever I want is difficult. Many of these friendships just developed in the past year because my friends from college/high school don't live in the area, but they've been with me through a tremendous growing period in my life.

Being away from my family will also be hard, not because I lack independence, but because I am so close to them. I mentioned in an earlier post about how much I love my little brother, Dad, and Jean. Who I live with, though, is my mother. My mom and I have such a special relationship where she trusts me to make my own decisions and never tried to control me as I lived at home to save money this past year- she gets that I'm 23. Yet she gives me as much love, attention, and support as when she made homemade Power Rangers birthday cakes and drove me to all of my extracurriculars while I was growing up. As most moms do (though not as well as my mom, since she's the best- duh), my mother has the ability to feel everything I feel, but even more so. She's heartbroken for me if I'm sad, elated if I'm happy, passionate when I'm excited, and dedicated when I have a dream. To be honest, the worst part about the ups and downs this past year was knowing my mom had to go through them with me. When four boys in this one year alone hurt me for reasons I had no control over, she saw and felt each heartbreak (obviously all different levels, but painful just the same). She saw me lose sight of myself and my dream in December, so she sent me dog sledding because she, more than anyone else, knows it takes something that challenging for me to harness in the broader perspective. She watched me finally give 100% to my quest to become Miss Virginia- something I normally don't do because I'm afraid of being rejected at my best- and still not get the job. She's watched my friends get opportunities I don't, seen my trust repeatedly broken (never by a girlfriend...how interesting. Boooooo to the male species), and witnessed my struggle in finding my purpose. She's also watched as I impacted the lives of children with my S.A.I.L. program in schools, performed in professional musicals, built confidence in the younger girls at Miss Virginia, and found pride in my ability to give my heart to every person I meet. Of course I will call her all the time, but knowing my mom won't be close at hand through my new experiences in New York is a strange feeling.

Leaving friends and family behind is always hard. So is leaving behind memories. Perhaps they go hand-in-hand, but not necessarily. Many memories have to do with people who were in your life for only a short while, but who you never stop associating with certain surroundings. For instance, I'll miss Great Neck Road for the times I road in Eric's red Eclipse in high school, the burned down Cold Stone Creamery for the ridiculous stories while working there with friends, Chicks for the Happy Hours with Rich, Jen, Krystal and that crew, C.P. Shuckers for all of the fun times I had with Neil and his friends, the dive bar Starz where I spent a few hilarious evenings people watching with Ashley and Amanda, the Westin for the time I got to spend with Polly, Curly, Kristina, Andrew, and Kathryn, the boardwalk for the numerous beach cruising afternoons with Wes, and so many more memory-filled locations. Some of these people will remain in my life forever, some may not, but Virginia Beach will always hold the memories I have with them.

That being said, I know I am ready to get out of Virginia. Questions surrounding wanting to move are obsolete. But with my bus leaving one week from tonight, reminiscing is hard to avoid. The Commonwealth has served me well. I can only hope the new chapter that unfolds in New York will be as rewarding as the chapters in Virginia that have shaped me into the person I'm proud to be today.