Something Lindsay said last night was very thought-provoking. We were talking about relationships and her wedding and how absurdly excited I am for them when I said "ugh, I just want to have something like you and Jim have." We continued to talk about how everybody always says that you shouldn't care about finding someone when you're only 23, but I told Lindsay that I just don't think that's true. Obviously I'm very happy being single, but it's really not that crazy or desperate to admit that I'd like to be with someone. Of course I would never settle just so I can be in a relationship, but it's very natural to desire a companion. That's the way we're made...particularly women. I'm not out looking for Mr. Right, but I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not hopeful I'll eventually meet someone. This whole "you are insecure if you need a man" thing is hogwash. I'm very secure in who I am. That's when Linds said "Shanny, you're probably one of the most confident-in a good way- girls I know. But I think there's a difference between having confidence in yourself and taking pride in yourself. You need to take pride in yourself." I thought that statement was extremely interesting and very true. As we talked further, I realized that I like who I am as a person, but I'm not necessarily proud of my accomplishments and my life as a whole. I used to get embarrassed to tell people I was a waitress because it seemed "low grade" for a college graduate, I make fun of myself for having a Psychology degree, I am not building a normal career in NY...I'm one of a million starving singers, I try not to mention the pageant thing too much for fear of being laughed at, and I tend to think that people- and men- don't take me seriously. I know that's not true because guys just want to date someone who is moving forward and trying to achieve something. They don't particularly care if a girl has some fantastic job or makes a lot of money; that's something women put more weight on, I think. Not saying I'm a gold digger, just saying women are attracted to men who can support them. Instinct. Anyways, I loved that Lindsay made me think about all of this because people who are close to you can see things you need to work on more than you can. I'm so glad she's going to be my sister! And the conversation reminded me that every single one of my exes said to me "I'm so proud of you" when I said my goodbyes to them before New York. To me, that shows what Lindsay said was crucial in my success here. I have to find the pride that they all felt for this move myself. Not only will that pride be more attractive to the people I meet, but it will ultimately bring me deeper contentment.
After my enlightening Happy Hour with Linds, she gave me a tour of where she works. I won't give particular details online, but all I can say is that I'M SO JEALOUS. She's the executive assistant to one of the most powerful women in fashion...think of the movie Devil Wears Prada. I know she has to work her butt off, but man the office is cool! There are clothing samples everywhere and giant fancy offices with unreal views and everything that Hollywood tries to recreate. I was blown away. I was also a little tipsy, so I was touching all of the clothes that haven't even been released yet for a Spring 2012 collection because it seemed so cool. It was very cool, but looking back, the mango martini probably added to the cool factor. It seriously seemed like the most exciting place in the world.
After that, we headed over to Jacob and Justin's apartment where Jacob made me fried eggs and turkey and I, in turn, spilled his red wine everywhere. Just another Friday night. WHY do I have to be so clumsy?? We had a great night staying in and chatting...even though all the guys thought I was stupid for like, 5 minutes because I sarcastically said "Raise your hand if you love socialism!" during a political talk, but apparently my sarcasm didn't come across because 5 minutes later Jake was like "Wait, so Shannon, you think socialism is more proficient than democracy?" OH MY GOSH. No. No, I don't. They had all gotten so awkward when I said that, so I'm glad he cleared it up. I need to work on my sarcasm...something I never thought I'd say considering most of what comes out of my mouth is sarcastic.
Getting home this morning revealed a darker side to the city. The train I needed to transfer on wasn't running due to maintenance, so it ended up taking me almost two hours. I won't go into grueling details, but let's just say I really miss being able to hop in a car when I'm not feeling well and want to get somewhere. Tonight I'm heading over to Jim and Lindsay's place for pasta and The Proposal! Ah, another night in paradise ;)
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